So as you know, last week I not-so-cleverly put my phone in the washing machine and put it through a full wash cycle. Even though front-load washing machines are said to be gentle on clothes, it turns out that they’re not very gentle on phones.
The next day I went to the Apple store at Southland and replaced it. At first I was shown the brand-new editions, with the fabulous cameras. The woman serving me was very enthusiastic about how great my photos in Antarctica would be. I was very tempted… but just as I opened my mouth to say yes to a $1,300 phone, it occurred to me that if I hadn’t washed my phone, I’d be taking my year-old SE to Antarctica and I’d be perfectly happy with it.
So I walked out with an $800 phone, saving myself $500.
Fast forward to yesterday. I was driving home from work when suddenly a strange woofling noise filled the car.
‘That better not be a flat tyre,’ I thought. But it was.
The RACV came in under 10 minutes, which was a surprise. Quickest response time ever! When he changed my tyre, putting the dinky little spare tyre on in its place, I asked him to have a look at the back left tyre.
“I keep getting notifications on my dashboard that it’s under-inflated, but whenever I pump it up the notification stays.”
He had a look and spotted something metal embedded in the tread.
“You’d better have the tyre place take a look at it,” he said.
I hate driving with a spare tyre on the car, so I drove until I found a tyre place. I ordered two new tyres and was in the waiting room, quietly reading, when the guy came back.
“You’re very lucky,” he said. “That back left tyre had a puncture along the side of it. I don’t know how it hasn’t blown out by now.”
Oof. Maybe the “bad luck” of having a flat tyre was actually good luck in disguise? Fortunate Frogdancer strikes again!
But still, the question remains. So far 2022 has been a very expensive year, what with appliances dying, children needing huge cash injections to buy houses and me doing silly things like washing phones. So far I’ve spent nearly 28K MORE than I’d usually spend – and that’s not including my trip to Antarctica.
So I’m classing any unexpected expense as bad luck.
We all know bad luck comes in threes. It’s a scientific fact.
So is it: 1 Washed phone 2 A tyre 3 Another tyre?
Or is it: 1 Washed phone 2 Replacing tyres 3 Something yet to be seen????
I’m really hoping it’s the first one. Keep your fingers crossed! (I’m sure that science says that crossing fingers helps bring good luck.)
Yesterday I got to work and realised that I left my phone at home.
That wasn’t a big drama – I prefer to surf the internet on a laptop rather than my phone. I only use the phone for calls, texts and photos anyway. So I got on with my day, knowing that I’d pick it up from my bedside table when I got home and catch up on anything I’d missed.
But when I got home it wasn’t there. The bedside table was bare.
I knew it should be there. I’d woken up to the alarm that morning. I started looking through the house.
Nothing.
I went out to the car, thinking maybe it’d fallen out of my bag in the morning.
Nothing.
I messaged Ryan27 on FB, asking him to call my number.
He messaged back, saying that it went straight to voicemail.
Great.
Well, I couldn’t keep on looking for it. I had things to do. I decided to hang out the washing I’d put on before leaving for the day.
My first clue that something was badly awry was when I opened the washing machine door and saw my sodden phone case sitting on top of the washing.
My phone was lying underneath all of the clothes. Screen smashed, totally dead. As a doornail.
I’ve been an Apple person for YEARS. Yes, they’re expensive as all get-out, but I like the way they synch and I’m used to the way they work.
I’m like the people in the meme at the top of the page; when I get a new phone, I keep it for at least 5 years. Hell, one of my Apple laptops is a 2010 Mac that I bought secondhand 6 years ago. She’s still going strong.
So when I bought a brand new phone LAST YEAR for around $800 I was cool with it. By the time I was ready to trade it in I’d have had many years of photos, texts and calls for around $160/year. Still a biggish cost, but not unreasonable.
Except when I have to buy another one a year later. Suddenly that $800 phone has become very expensive.
I won’t deny that I was very sad last night. What with Tom30’s house deposit, the expensive appliances that died, helping out a couple of the other kids and now this – it’s been an expensive year. Around 28K of extra expenses… not counting my Antarctica holiday in December. The last thing I needed was for this to happen!
The worst thing was that I had no one to blame but myself.
I hate that.
When I posted about what I did on FB, I had people message me, offering old phones I could use until I could get myself a new one.
That’s when it struck me.
Being financially independent means that wrecking my phone is an inconvenience, not a financial tragedy. I’ll be without a phone for another 5 hours. By 4 PM I’ll be walking through the Apple shop doors, looking to buy a replacement.
Being financially independent means that I have the money to pay for it.
Will I be happy about having to do it? Hell no! Financial independence doesn’t mean that people suddenly become happy to throw money away.
But will I be glad that I put in the work for all those years to get to a point where I can simply walk into a shop and replace it without having to stress about the money?
Hell yes.
When people think about being financially independent, it’s the big things they visualise. Retirement, overseas trips and a paid-off house. And yes, those things are there for the taking.
But the enduring joy of it is actually the way it smooths the ups and downs of life – especially the downs. It turns out that the old saying, “If money can fix it then it isn’t really a problem” is true… but only if you have the money to fix it.
Becoming financially free is not easy. But it’s absolutely worth it.
Dad joke of the day:
My boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship. We haven’t laughed for 2 years.
I’m taking classes for a friend of mine who has gone on Long Service Leave. Yesterday she emailed me: “You may have noticed that there’s a clear pencil case with some items in it. I forgot to tell you that this is for Joe Lunchbucket (not his real name) because he never has any equipment for class. Please give it to him at the start of class and collect it at the end.”
It had a pen, coloured pencils and his Geography workbook.
Obviously this is something that she quietly does for this kid to make sure that he’s able to succeed in her subject. What a lovely thing to do.
Where I’ve been:walking the dogs.
Ryan27 is away from home for a couple of weeks and Tom30 and I are both working, so the poor little woofs have been Home Alone. It’s good for their mental health to have a gallop around the block when I get home.
It probably isn’t too bad for my mental health, either.
Where I’m going:Antarctica.
I know you all know this, but I told a year 8 Geography class that I was going in December and they lost their shit. Seriously.
It was great.
What I’m watching:Hunted.
I NEVER watch things on free-to-air tv – except for Survivor and The Block, obviously. But this show has sucked me in. Thank goodness for catch-up tv though. I’d hate to be stuck watching something on someone else’s schedule.
It seems like a very silly show, but it’s interesting to see how easily the hunters are able to track people down using digital means. CCTV and other digital pinging are everywhere.
I saw that The Block starts again on Sunday night. I’m so happy. I love a good reno filled with drama.
This took me unawares. I had to change the accents in my head from Aussie (proper speaking) to American (celebrity accents.) I read somewhere that she was always made to set her novels in America until she became successful, then she was able to set them in Melbourne instead.
I guess I’m reading an early novel.
What I’m listening to:the quietest year 8 class I’ve ever seen.
It’s period 6. There’s only 9 minutes to go.
Usually even the best behaved class is getting a little restive. But this group of kids?
Some of them have finished the work and they’re talking. But quietly talking. It’s all whispers and quiet giggles. I tell you, it’s SO worth driving here from The Best House in Melbourne every day, even though there’s a secondary school at the end of my street. These kids are incredible.
What I’m eating:out of the freezer.
I’ve slowly been emptying the meat section of the freezer. I bought a huge heap of chicken drumsticks and parcelled them out into meal-sized lots of 3. Then Tom30 moved back in, which mucked up that little system. Suddenly we’re going through TWO meal’s worth of drummies instead of one.
Annoying.
Tonight is spaghetti bolognese with mince from the freezer. With Ryan27 gone, there’ll be enough for dinner tomorrow night as well, which makes me happy.
Give it another week or two, the freezer will be clear and I can go and buy another big lot of meat. Buying this way means that, over the long run, I save a heap.
What I’m planning:how I’m going to get through 6 weeks of full-time work.
Oof.
I mean, I know I can do it. I did it for nearly two decades, after all.
But my sweet, sweet freedom…
Those penguins, seals, whales and icebergs had better be worth it!
Who needs a good slap:The boys who kept pressing the ‘open door’ button on the lift as I was in it wanting to go up.
Ended up having to take the damn stairs. Two floors aren’t great when you’re wearing a mask and you have to get to class on time.
What has made me smile: three year 9 boys.
I was doing yard duty down the cold, boring side of the new campus. As I rounded a corner, I saw 3 boys acting a little suspiciously. They were obviously leaping around. There was a big brick thingamijig and I thought, ‘If they’re trying to jump over that, I’m going to have to stop them. Accident waiting to happen.’
Then I saw that they were competing in a long jump competition in the woodchips on the garden behind the generator. That’s using great initiative on a campus with hardly any outdoor space. I walked away smiling and left them to it.
Finally – the girls’ weekend arrived! Working towards Financial Independence involves a lot more things than money. One of these things is having the means and the freedom to set up experiences for the people we love. The timeshare that I bought many years ago and then barely used is now really coming into its own.
This timeshare runs on points, so I’m not tied to just one place at the same time every year. Since I retired I’ve been on 6 holidays and have used it to give a week away in New Zealand for David28 and Izzy’s honeymoon next year. I’m determined to never waste a point again. Now it was time for the girls’ weekend at the Sebel in Creswick.
I went up to the townhouse in Creswick a couple of days early, as I had to book 4 nights to secure the weekend that we wanted. On Friday, I was sewing on the 5,000+ piece quilt, (hereafter named ‘The Sea Glass quilt’) when I glanced at the tv. A HUGE kangaroo was reflected in it.
Sure enough, on the other side of the driveway was a big old man roo. I didn’t go near him… those guys can tear a hole in your abdomen if you annoy them… but I took some photos.
You know you’re in the country when there’s a roo outside your house!
The girls arrived on Friday evening and we all settled in. Izzy – David28’s fiancee; Jenna – Evan25’s girlfriend; and Ashley and Kate – my nieces. They’re all really great girls, and are all pretty much the same age, ranging from 25 – 22, so they all have lots of things in common.
After a night spent talking and sipping a few bevvies, we awoke the next morning hungry for adventure. Jenna met Evan25 when they were both doing their acting/music theatre degree in Ballarat, so she was our official tour guide.
The first stop was a patch of bush in Blackwood. Apparently it’s Evan25’s favourite place in all the world, which is a bold claim. Then again, he hasn’t seen a whole heap of the world yet, to be fair.
It’s a pine forest with lots of walking tracks/BMX paths through it.
Ash and Jenna decided to race to the top of one of the bike jumps.
We were walking along and someone saw that a cubby house had been built in one of the trees. It had fake grass, a chair and a pole to slide down.
Noice!
I took this photo of Izzy to send to David28, to show him that his beloved was an intrepid woman of adventure.
(In reality, we bonded over how unfit we were. The others were racing around like mountain goats while we were sucking in air and trying not to sound as if we were dying.)
A cave. Jenna warned us that we didn’t want to go in there. I didn’t ask for further information.
The next stop was Ballarat, to a trash and treasure place called ‘The Old Mill’. Next door was an ugg boot shop. Ash mentioned that she was looking for new uggies so we went in.
She found the perfect pair on the bargain table outside.
Kate found a pair of slip-on slippers inside.
Honestly, I’ve never seen anyone so delighted by a purchase. She was giggling and skipping around like a 3 year old! Definitely an awesome souvenir!
Then we ducked into The Old Mill.
As I was wandering around I saw this massive hexagon quilt. It was double sided, with no filling in between.
And hand-sewn. It must have taken some poor woman YEARS to complete.
Jenna found a most fetching hat to try on.
Everyone but Izzy and I bought something. Izzy has a wedding to pay for and I’ve just given all my money to Tom30, (plus there’s Antarctica coming up!) so we were very restrained.
Good on us.
After all of that, we needed some lunch, so we went to a dumpling bar near where Jenna and Evan25 went to uni.
The lunch special. Not bad for $15.
After that, we went back to the town of Creswick to see what was happening there. It used to be a typical country town, but in the years since I brought the boys here for a getaway it’s become a bit bougie and trendy.
We went to a beautiful clothes shop and what was supposed to be a hardware-type place but had the most bewildering range of utilitarian and gift-shop items that you could imagine. It was obviously trying to please both the locals and the tourists.
The sisters and Jenna bought some beautifully scented bath salts. Did I mention that the apartment we were staying at had a couple of massive baths in each room? So big that you could almost swim laps.
Ashley and Kate decided that they were going to have a bath. This is the shot I sent to my sister.
This weekend was NOTHING like the weekends I’ve spent away with my boys. Conversations about eyebrow threading, hairstyles, fashion, home decor… it was a whole new world.
Ashley decided that part of her contribution to the weekend was to make mulled wine in the thermomix. After dinner on Saturday, as we were settling down to a night of card games, drinking and laughter, she revved up the thermie… I made her use the old ‘antique’ version… and she served us a glass each.
It was so good!
Two girls brought soju.
People who’ve read my account of when I went to North Korea will know that we downed many a bottle of soju while on that tour! I used to say that my lifetime of drinking had prepared me well.
Soju in Australia has many different flavours, which tones the original flavour down. Drinking soju isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s VERY strong. We decided to have a taste test, with Jenna pouring a smidgeon into our glasses and we rated them. Watermelon, pomegranate and peach were the best, though the peach made me think of peach schnapps.
However, I was the only one who could drink the original flavour, which honestly tastes like rocket fuel. The girls couldn’t stand it, but it made me nostalgic. This was the only soju we had back in North Korea. I ended up taking the bottle home with me. No way I was going to let that little taste of the happy times in the DPRK go to waste!
And to finish – here’s one of the games we played. So much laughter and fun!
I decided to try and get the girls together when it dawned on me that despite being part of the family for 4 years, Jenna and Izzy had NEVER had a conversation without some or all of the boys being around.
That’s just ridiculous.
I invited the nieces for a couple of reasons.
First – the apartment sleeps 5, so it made sense. Frogdancer Jones always likes to get more bang for her buck.
Secondly – and most importantly – women are the glue that holds families together. If you’ve been reading this for any length of time, you’ll know that I always have a view for the long game. These four young women are going to be moving the family through into the future. It makes sense for them to get to know each other on a deeper level than merely “meeting for Christmas.”
This weekend turned out even better than I hoped. I mean, I knew we’d have a good time. None of the girls are bitches (thank God!) and they already get along.
It was a weekend of conversations, laughter and bonding. We had so much fun. All 5 of us went home knowing everyone so much better, which made me very happy. Jenna and Kate live near each other and they were making plans to meet for dinner with their partners and to see each other’s houses. How lovely is that?
Now they’re all REALLY looking forward to David28 and Izzy’s wedding, because there’s a deeper connection than just being David28’s cousins.
Kate and Ash got to spend ‘sister time’ together, which is really special once long-term partners enter into the picture. My sister was so happy that they got to do this.
We know that Izzy is a smiling assassin in games of strategy and Kate and I are excellent partners in wordplay games.
We know that Jenna is never happier than when she’s got a task to organise and Ash is that rare breed of sports fan who can actually watch a game of footy with the sound turned down. Thank goodness. I hate the sound of sports commentary.
We also know how much they all love their partners. There was no whingeing about them at all, which is a fair feat seeing as they’ve all been with their partners from 2 – 5 years. They seem to have chosen well… even the ones who chose MY sons!
I knew that we’d all get along, but this was next level. I was so happy to spend time with them all and have time without partners and other family members diluting the mix. I think my family is so very lucky to have them all in it.
They were asking if we could do this again next year. I think that an annual girls’ weekend could be a truly excellent tradition to have…
Dad joke of the day:
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
My car is packed, I have a shopping list of food to buy, and after work today I’ll be pointing the car towards Ballarat. The Girls’ weekend is fast approaching!
I’m heading off a couple of days earlier than the girls, so I’m looking forward to some introvert quiet days before they all start rolling in on Friday night.
Where I’ve been:avoiding Ryan27.
Last Tuesday Ryan27 tested positive in a RAT test. ARGH!!!! Right before this girls’ weekend that I’ve been planning for months. Fortunately, he’s a reasonable man and isolated in his room. No real hardship for a gamer!
I RAT tested every day and picked up all the work I could so I’d be out of the house as much as possible. I was so worried that I’d have to miss out on the trip, but all was well. I mask up all the time when I’m at work so I did the same thing at home.
All’s good. I avoided getting the spicy cough. 🙂
Where I’m going:To Coles.
I’m in the middle of a Flybuys challenge to spend $50 at Coles for 4 straight weeks to get $50 free groceries. I figured I may as well shop at Coles for the dinners and snacks I’m providing. I like killing two birds with one stone.
What I’m watching: a very good year 9 Geography class.
Their teacher has left an incredibly detailed lesson plan for them to follow and they’re quietly working their way through it.
Every conversation is about how to locate things on the maps, or what to put on the keys, etc. Sometimes this place is an absolute dream to teach in!
Since writing this, I have another year 9 class in front of me. This one is a different kettle of fish…
I’ve been seeing a lot of kids reading this over the last few years – it’s a catchy title! I thought I’d give it a read to see why it’s so popular. I’m only just past the first chapter but I think I’m going to like it.
I’ve got a long drive in front of me today and all of my podcasts have been listened to. This is a good long audiobook so it should keep me entertained during the drive and when I’m sewing on the 5,000+ piece quilt.
I’m working my way through her novels, one audiobook at a time.
What I’m eating: Vegetarian meals on Friday and Saturday.
Jenna, Evan25’s girlfriend, is vego, so the catering is planned with her in mind.
Friday night’s meal will be Mushroom Stroganoff and a hearty Vegetarian Lasagne will follow on Saturday night. Both are Thermobexta recipes, so of course, I’ve packed my two thermomixes to bring with me. The boys left at home have a thermomix each, so they won’t be left hungry.
What I’m planning:nothing… yet!
We’ll see what the weather holds for Saturday. It looks like it won’t be raining, but of course, being Ballarat, it’ll be damned cold!!!
Who needs a good slap:the idiot who nearly T-Boned me yesterday.
I was on my way home from work, turning right at the intersection of Warrigal and Centre Roads. I glanced away from the red light, looking at a garden on the other side of the road. I glanced back and the green turning arrow was on.
Just as I lifted my foot, someone ran the red light directly to the right of me.
If I’d started moving the instant the arrow turned green as I usually do, I’d have had the front wiped off my car for sure. Or worse.
Phew! I love my car… I don’t want her to be all bent out of shape. Especially the day before a road trip.
What has made me smile: Guesstimating how much petrol to buy at Costco.
The fuel gauge was on a little less than half full. The last time I filled up, it was on the way home from Sydney and a full tank cost me $119.
But Costco petrol is quite a bit cheaper…
I punched in $60.
The tank is now exactly full. Nailed it!
Dad joke of the day:
Yesterday I ate a clock. It was very time-consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.
When people whine and say that “kids should be taught personal finance in schools!!! Wahhh wahhh!” you can tell them to pull their heads in.
This was the lesson plan of the first class I taught today. It’s a year 9 class that every kid takes, where they learn about our political system, how to manage money and invest, careers advice, the media and lots of other things.
As you can see by the lesson plan, kids ARE being taught real-life lessons about money and how to handle it.
The hook for the lesson was a 3 minutes news report that I played on the interactive whiteboard. It was about Afterpay and similar companies, and how people are running amock with it in the short-term and then living to regret it in the long term, as the levels of debt they rack up make it impossible to get mortgage loans from banks.
Then they went on to what the lesson plan outlined. Learning about different investments and going on to “Consider the ideas behind investments and practice applying the investments in a reasonable way.“
This is all real-life stuff. About money and how to evaluate the best way/s to use it.
Kids ARE being taught about finances. They always were.
The only reason people think that they weren’t taught how to manage money in school is because they weren’t interested in the subject when they were teenagers and so they didn’t retain the knowledge. (A bit like me and mathematics.)
We’re preparing the kids for the future! Anytime someone tries to whip up anger against teachers/schools for not doing this, they’re talking through their… um… hat.
Dad joke of the day:
What do you call a wolf who has everything all figured out?
I was so happy this morning, when the news came out that masks are now back in schools. The principal walked around to every class and gave them out to every kid who . As many of you would know, I’ve been wearing a mask at work from the moment I step out of my car to the moment I get back into it at the end of the day, only removing it to eat my lunch.
For the first couple of hours there were masks everywhere. It was lovely.
Then parents apparently started to complain, so an announcement went out at lunchtime that masks weren’t ‘mandatory’, just ‘recommended.’
Now, most of the kids have ditched them and we aren’t allowed to query why they aren’t wearing them. And people wonder why covid is still around.
Where I’ve been:the sewing room.
I had a 3 day weekend, due to the school having Athletics Day on Monday, so I made progress on my 5,000 + piece quilt. As you can see in the photo above, I’m now just over halfway finished.
I’ve been a bit spotty with my work on the quilt, but I’m determined to finish it. This year.
Where I’m going: to work.
Antarctica is proving to be a little expensive, along with wedding and house payments. I’m lucky that a) the work is being offered, b) I like the work and c) the kids are lovely. I’m happy that I don’t have to tap my investments at the moment. I’m happy to wait for the sharemarket to recover.
What I’m watching:Becoming Elizabeth.
I’m a Tudor tragic, which is why I loved my trip to the UK in 2015 so much, especially our day at Hampton Court Palace. The header on this blog is a photo of the sky above the palace’s roof. It still lives in my memory as one of the happiest days of my life.
This is about her trip to Antarctica, so of course I picked it up. The page I’ve linked to has very positive reviews, but have a look at this one star review!
“Inadvertently thought it was an actual book about Antarctica with some depth then found it merely a chapter of a brief voyage that barely scratched at its border. If I ever get to the Drake passage I will place the sad brief tome in the bottom of a sick-bag where it belongs.”
Hmm… I hope it’s better than this review makes it sound!
What I’m listening to:Mum’s Boppin’ Bangers.
Spotify got me through hours of sewing over the last few days. I have some absolute bangers on that playlist.
I absolutely love this recipe. It’s like having a party in your mouth.
Having the leftovers the next day is even tastier.
What I’m planning:My girls’ weekend.
I’ve told them that I don’t want this to be a ‘spendy’ weekend, because Izzy has a wedding to pay for, Jenna has a one-woman show to put on and nearly all of them have rent to pay. I, of course, have Antarctica on the horizon.
We’re volunteering catering, alcohol, games, and those who know the area are suggesting activities. It’s going to be a lot of fun.
Who needs a good slap: Whoever gave my son the virus.
Seriously, how hard is it to wear a mask? Oof.
It’s so stupid. I’m in front of a class right now. When the word came down that we can’t make the kids wear masks, you should’ve seen how many kids ditched them. I have 17 kids in front of me… only 6 are wearing masks.
So I guess the waves are going to continue. If we’d all co-operated right at the start and worn masks for 6 months, this pandemic would almost certainly be behind us now.
What has made me smile:sitting and having lunch with my work friends.
I’ve known these people for years and it’s a quiet pleasure to sit down and have a chat. This year the school split into 2 campuses and most of my friends elected (or were told) to come to the new campus, which is where I’ve been doing the vast majority of my CRT work.
Much as I love my hermit days at home, it’s so nice to be social as well. 🙂
Dad joke of the day:
I don’t let my kids listen to orchestral music. There’s too much sax and violins.
“Kids. Can’t shoot ’em, can’t tie ’em to a tree!” said one of my American friends in a heavy Southern accent to me when my boys were young. It made me laugh.
Most FI/RE bloggers who have kids seem to be young parents, so their posts are all about paying for child care, sourcing cheap clothing, and optimising after-school activities. Fair enough – I used to be concerned with those things too.
I’m writing this to forewarn you all that even when your kids enter adulthood, there are still possible expenses that you’ll choose to bear. I have 4 adult sons, ages 30, 28,27, and 25. You’d think that as a frugal person, I would have locked them out of the house the instant they turned 18 and abandoned them to let them make their own ways in the world. But it’s a funny thing… parents become quite attached to the humans that they’ve made and even when they grow taller than us, we still want the best for them.
So what’s the best thing to do, financially speaking, once the kids grow up?
We all know the wisdom encapsulated in ‘The Millionaire Next Door‘, (excellent book, by the way), that shows that adult kids who rely on their parents’ “economic outpatient care” end up significantly worse off than those who don’t receive it.
So what is Economic Outpatient Care?
It’s substantial gifts, usually financial, acts of ‘kindness’ etc that allow the adult children to live a lifestyle beyond what they can afford by themselves.
Adult children who sit around waiting for the next dose of economic outpatient care are usually less productive than those who forge their own paths. Cash gifts are too often earmarked for spending and the support of an unrealistically high lifestyle. This Economic Outpatient Care to adult children typically results in:
encouraging more consumption than saving and investing.
the gift receivers never fully distinguish between their wealth and the wealth of their gift-giving parents. (THIS WOULD ANNOY ME NO END!!!)
gift receivers are significantly more dependent on credit than are non-receivers.
receivers of gifts invest much less money than non-receivers.
When I read The Millionaire Next Door more than a decade ago, it cemented the decision I made about whether or not to help pay for the boys’ uni fees. I decided that they were responsible for their uni fees, books, and so on.
They needed skin in the game.
I would support them by not charging them board while they were studying for their first degree, and paying for any medical bills they might incur. Typically, this ended up being dental.
Fast forward a decade or so and I have four sons, all with tertiary qualifications that they’re paying off. (Higher Education Loan Program). They pay their own bills and receive no regular financial assistance from me. Anyone who chooses to live at home pays $50/week board, which I put aside in a savings account and will give back to them when they leave. This is a choice I’ve made because I’m in a financial position to be able to do this. Believe me, if I needed the money, I’d be spending it!
When David28 and Izzy decided they were going to tie the knot, I told them I’d contribute 5K to their wedding. Obviously, in my head, I’ve multiplied that by four to account for the other three boys. I’ve also told everyone that this is a first-wedding-only deal… any weddings after that, they’re on their own.
They are also able to take a week-long honeymoon using points from my timeshare to pay for their accommodation. David28 and Izzy will be going to New Zealand using this offer. They’ll be paying for every other expense themselves.
That was all I thought I’d do for the boys. Giving them a bit of help when they get married, as most parents do. After all, the last thing I want to do is weaken them. Life’s tough enough without deliberately making them vulnerable to every strong wind that blows. I raised my boys to be independent men. No handouts from The Bank of Mum!
But then something changed.
When Tom30 unexpectedly boomeranged home at the end of February, he was already saving for a deposit and was about a third of the way there. He’d been out from home for 7 years, paying around $250/week in rent, sharing a flat with a friend. Initially, he was only going to stay a few weeks, but when I told him about the $50/week board, he did some mathematics. He’s an accountant, poor thing, so doing the maths was inevitable.
He asked if he could stay longer, to accelerate the savings for a deposit.
I liked the sound of this, so I agreed. After all, he was 30 now and it was time to start getting some assets together. He changed jobs last year, nearly doubling his income in the process, so I was pleased to hear that he was looking to get ahead.
Then, I sat back and watched.
Would he be a typical ‘Millionaire Next Door’ second-generation child who’d work out how to make it on his own, or would he loll around and expect economic outpatient care?
Tom30 works in a company with mortgage brokers, so he picked their brains and found out about how to harness Superannuation to stretch his dollars, how to avoid paying LMI (Lenders’ Mortgage Insurance) and which criteria the banks would use to assess his loan application, along with a lot of other stuff that I’ve forgotten. When Tom30 starts spitting out numbers, it all begins to merge together for me.
Once he got his head around this information, he set his budget targets, home loan target amount, and savings timeline. We then started driving around and looking at apartments and units/townhouses in his (then) price range of high 400’s. Given this price range, looking at freestanding houses was simply not an option. He works very near the CBD so his commute time was a consideration.
What did I think of his plans?
I admired how clearly he’d laid out his way forward. I thought there was a bit too much fat with his spending money, but then, I’ve been through hard times where I really had to tighten my belt in order for the boys and me to keep the roof over our heads. But then, I realised that this is an area that could always be adjusted if needed. Flexibility is key.
All things considered, I was happy with it. He was finding solutions by himself and was all set to be in a property by the end of the year.
All went along swimmingly for quite a while until the reserve bank started to raise interest rates. That in itself wasn’t a problem – Tom30 had stress-tested his calculations to account for a 7% interest rate which we’re nowhere near (yet) – but suddenly the banks reduced the amount that he could borrow.
Overnight, this went from around 520K down to 475K. Real estate prices were softening, but nowhere near at this rate! If too much time went by, he’d miss his chance to get into the market for a 2BR place. I could see him getting stressed about it. When Tom30 decides he wants to do something, he gets very focused.
I did some thinking.
He needed a little more to get his deposit together, so I told him about the wedding gift of 5K that I’ve earmarked for each child and asked if he’d prefer to use this money as part of his deposit instead. Seeing as he’s single at the moment, he chose to do this.
Of course, I told him that when he DOES get married, he has to tell his beloved that I’ve already paid for my share of the wedding! There’ll be no double-dipping on my watch!
Then, a week or so later, we saw the perfect place for him.
It’s a couple of suburbs over, in an area that is starting to gentrify. It’s a 2BR unit with minimal body corporate fees and is in really good nick, very close to a train station, which will definitely come in handy. He first saw it when I was away on my Little Adventure in Manly, As soon as he was back in the car he rang me and we talked it through. I went with him to see it the following weekend when I was back in Melbourne.
I liked it. It was definitely one of the nicer properties we’d looked at. Honestly, property prices are crazy. The number of absolute dog boxes we looked at that had asking prices around the half million mark was appalling. This one has new flooring, was freshly painted and had new blinds. The kitchen and laundry will need renovating at some stage but everything else was good to go. It was a definite step up from the cruddy little flat he’d lived in during his twenties and, as he says, it’s future-proof. There’s enough room for two, or even two and a baby. And if he stays single, he’d be able to live there for ages quite happily.
The area it’s in is ok, but is definitely on an upward trajectory. In a few years it’ll be described as being in “a most sought-after location, close to beaches, transport and every amenity.” It’s a good buy, if you have an eye for the future.
He wanted to put in an offer, but he was missing a little from his deposit. Interest rates were set to rise and the banks would cut his borrowing power every time this happened. It was a very depressing balancing act that he was undergoing.
I had to do some more thinking. Honestly, all this thinking was getting exhausting. And expensive. But would I be weakening him by helping out a bit more, or would I be helping someone who deserves it?
The good thing was that it was obvious that he was doing everything he could to get there. There was no lolling around going on. All he needed was a start… some seed money, if you will.
I had 10K in cash in my emergency account, sitting in an online bank. I’ve written a few times before about how important an emergency fund has been to me. It’s saved our bacon a few times, turning what could have been huge dramas into mildly inconvenient occurrences, simply because I had the money set aside to deal with them.
That emergency fund was my first line of defense against things going wrong. But I also have 3 years of expenses put aside in a term deposit to guard against Sequence of Return Risk when the stock market falls. Obviously, I have enough money, combined with my CRT work, to look after myself. Meanwhile, my son needed a hand.
I won’t lie; it was hard to withdraw that 10K and flick it over to him. This was the emergency fund that has represented security to me for well over two decades. But once it was gone, I felt nothing but good about it. He’s taking on a loan of around 450K, which is a heck of a lot of money. Me giving him an extra 10K towards the loan isn’t going to ‘save’ him from having to make sacrifices and to be disciplined with his finances, but it’ll help him right now when he needs it.
This isn’t Economic Outpatient Care. It’s a one-time gift to help him as he’s starting out. He’ll have plenty of time to struggle and develop a backbone! It takes quite a while to pay off 450K.
Besides, even if I was inclined to baby him and lavish money on him, I can’t afford it. I have 3 other children, after all. I have to provide the same help to all of them.
Fortunately, the younger two won’t be looking to get into the property market for years, while David28 has a wedding to pay for before he and Izzy can even think of saving for a deposit. I have time to spread out these gifts.
Phew!
Anyway, a week ago Tom30 put in an offer, with a bid of 470K. There were 4 other bidders, all of whom were property investors. One couple outbid him by 5K.
Tom30 got the property! The owner decided that he’d rather sell to a young person just starting out, rather than to someone buying their 9th property. Isn’t that fantastic? Who knows, maybe sometime in the future Tom30 will be able to pay that forward to someone else.
The bank put a spanner in the works by insisting on a 10% deposit instead the 5% that Tom30 was aiming for. Remember how I said that his budget was a little ‘roomier’ than I thought was necessary? Now all of that is gone. After he approached his father for a little bit of help and was rudely knocked back, a family friend who has known him since he was a child offered to loan him the cash to make up any shortfall by the time settlement is required. They were disgusted by my ex-husband’s attitude, as is everyone who hears about it, and they decided that Tom30 deserves a start.
Fortunately, he has a long settlement, so he’ll be living with Ryan27 and me until October. We’ll be looking on Marketplace for free/cheap furniture and appliances, though he already has a free washing machine that a mate from school has given him. He accepted the offer from our family friend and he’s determined to borrow as little as possible from them. He’s selling everything he owns that isn’t nailed down and is actively looking for accounting customers to bring into the company he works for to add to his income through commissions.
I’m very pleased, though not surprised, to see that this son is doing as much as he can to get the property he wants with as little help as possible. He’s always been extremely organised with his finances.
It was interesting to see how my thoughts and ideas evolved around the question of how much or how little to help my adult children. When they first emerged into young adulthood, I pulled back on the financial help I gave them. They were told, “My job was to get you through secondary school. You’re absolutely expected to get a qualification, but YOU are responsible for paying for it.”
They have spent their 20’s learning how to rely on themselves and to become independent, especially the oldest and youngest who’ve both been out of home for years.
Now, when they’ve settled into their adult lives and are wanting to take the next steps forward, I’m prepared to give them a little help along the way – if they’ve already demonstrated that they’re putting in the effort.
I’ve come to realise that it’s fair enough. A little help is beneficial… it’s when too much ‘help’ is lavished upon them that the rot sets in.
As I’ve said before, if you look at the cost of an entire wedding or the total cost of a mortgage, the help I’m giving barely moves the needle. 15K in a 450K loan is a drop in the ocean.
But if you look at the up-front costs of getting that seed money together, the help I’m giving will spit off huge dividends in the years to come. Everyone needs to start from somewhere. Getting a little help at the start is a great gift that I can give my boys.
It’s funny – I began the trek of getting to financial independence for a lot of good reasons. But once I got there, the freedom to do all sorts of things I’d never thought of has been amazing.
This is just one more.
Dad joke of the day:
I would love to get paid to sleep. It’d be a dream job.
What’s top of my mind:Making Ryan27 get his driving licence.
He hates driving. Can you imagine?
But he has a job offer that requires him to be mobile. Operation “Get Your Damned Licence, You Elderly Guy” is on!
Where I’m going:As soon as I press ‘publish, we’ll be out to the car.
Driving lessons wait for no man.
What I’m watching: Poppy sleeping in the sun.
It’s a hard life.
What I’m reading: Stephen King short stories.
I’m midway through The Bazaar of Bad Dreams and I’m loving it. In the foreword, King writes about the differences between crafting long and short fiction, which I found really interesting. (Even more interesting than learning about the periodic table guy!) He also introduces each story with an account of what sparked it.
Love that stuff.
What I’m listening to:My podcasts before I borrow another audiobook.
Most of the audiobooks I listen to are around 16 hours long. As you can imagine, it takes a while to chip away at one of these, so while I’m doing that, my podcast episodes bank up. Then, I take a while to knock those over and get back to a clean slate.
Then the cycle starts over again. The only poddie that I make an exception for is my son’s one, naturally! All I have left on my list is a Casefile and a “The Other Half.” Then I’ll have to grab another audiobook.
It’s the cycle of life.
What I’m eating:Mushroom Stroganoff.
This is turning into an expensive year, what with the wedding, Tom30’s property purchase and Antarctica, so I’ve been making more vegetarian meals to stretch out the meat in the freezer. For those with a thermomix, Thermobexta is my go-to for vego and vegan recipes. I have all but one of her books and they certainly came in handy when Evan25 decided he wasn’t a meat-eater.
I write in my books when I try a recipe. This recipe had a notation, “Really nice,” so I bought lots of mushrooms and we’re partaking tonight.
What I’m planning: My Antarctica wardrobe.
Aldi had some clothing specials on Saturday. Some of them were merino t-shirts and leggings, as well as some gloves that enable the wearer to use a mobile phone. Just what I was looking for!
That’s ticked a few items off the list!
Who needs a good slap:My ex-husband.
You know, if I had 4 kids from my first marriage and two of them have decided to have no contact anymore with me, while another one has only minimal contact, I’m pretty sure I’d make an effort with the only kid who actively pursues a relationship with me. But clearly that’s not the way my ex-husband sees things…
Tom30 put in an offer on a unit last week. The bank came back and said they wanted a 10% deposit, not a 5% deposit as was originally asked for, due to a gift of 15K that I gave him. I’m sure you can imagine the maths and budgeting that went on for him to work out how to gather an extra 24K by October! He’s selling everything that isn’t nailed down and squeezing his spending to the max. However, there was still going to be a small shortfall. He didn’t want to ask me for any more money – “You’ve done more than enough, Mum.”
With a bit of trepidation, he asked his father for a loan of 5K. His father (who apparently earns into the 6 figures, as does his wife) refused, which he has every right to do, but served it with a side-order of “You’re not working hard enough. At your age you should be earning 150K/year. When I got MY first house I had to struggle. You should too. Why don’t you ask your mother or your grandfather? They’re rich.”
What an absolute arsehole. I’m so glad I’m not still married to him. (By the way, these remarks weren’t said exactly like this. They were sprinkled into the conversation like nasty little land mines for Tom30 to be hurt by.)
There are a few things to unpack from those nuggets of bile.
When my ex-husband was 30 he was a small businessman earning nowhere near 150K. Not sure why he expects Tom30 to be doing much better at the same age. When I told friends at work this statement they laughed and laughed. The consensus was, “Yeah, we should ALL be earning 150K!!! I’m nearly 60 and I don’t earn that much!”
I think my ex-husband forgets that when we bought our first (and only) house together, I was the one that made it happen. We’d saved 40K and he wanted to pour it all into buying new fridges for his small business of cutting up fruit salads for supermarkets from our garage. Yes, a business that was obviously going to go nowhere.
I saw which way the wind was blowing, put my foot down and instead, we put the money into buying a house in an excellent secondary school zone. Over the years that decision has served the boys well. So he thinks he ‘struggled’ to get that house? Imagine the struggle we would’ve had if he’d bought those fridges instead?
Finally – who tells his own son to go and ask an elderly couple for money, when all the guy is asking for is a 5K loan? Refuse the money if you wish – it’s your money – but telling him to put the hard word on a frail couple in their 80’s is unconscionable.
Fortunately, this has a happy ending. A family friend who’s known Tom30 all his life, was so disgusted when they heard this story that they’ve agreed to lend him the money he needs at settlement. Tom30’s now obsessed with ensuring that he borrows as little as possible from them. He’s so grateful and relieved.
I just had a text from him 10 minutes ago – the bank has approved the loan and so the property is his!
What has made me smile:Meeting next door’s puppy.
We’ve been hearing Hero for a while, but now we’ve finally met. He’s a blue staffy and is a lovely little guy. The guy next door suggested that we take the dogs and meet at the beach, but Hero is far too full-on for my little woofs. He’d scare them without even knowing he was doing it.
Yesterday I drove an hour to surprise David28 at his workplace at Billy Hydes in Nunawading. When I got there, it turned out that he’d taken the day off.
This is the photo I took with his co-workers and sent to him.
Where I’ve been: to a FIRE blog meet!
Last Saturday Latestarterfire, Adulting World and I met up in a park and we had lunch. We talked and shared stories for around 3 hours. Adulting World has been to Antarctica so I picked up some good hints and tips for my upcoming trip in December.
Going to a blog meet is never a mistake.
Where I’m going:ANTARCTICA!
Cruise, flights and accommodation are all booked and paid for. It’s on, baby!!!!!!
What I’m watching: Our Flag Means Death.
I heard some good things about this show and when I scored 3 free months of Binge, I watched it. The first few eps were a little ‘meh’ but by the end of the series, they had me!
Hoping they make another season – it’s all set up for it.
I’ve been meaning to read this novel for ages and I finally tracked it down.
It’s about a world that is genderless – beings can swap from male to female and back again.
I’ve only just started reading it so I’m still finding my way into the world, but it’s way famous.
What I’m listening to:Jeff snoring.
Poppy and Jeff are 9 years old today. They’re doing what they do best – sleeping on the couches. Here’s a photo to verify:
Strictly speaking, this is a shot of Poppy and Scout, Jeff’s slam-bang against me on the other couch.
What I’m eating:Aldi hazelnut milk chocolate.
This chocolate has SO MANY HAZELNUTS! It’s divine.
What I’m planning:To stop procrastinating and Get Things Done.
Just off the top of my head there are 7 things I should have done… and haven’t (yet.) They range from gardening things to crafting things to pet things to family things.
I’m a lazy person at heart.
Who needs a good slap:The USA.
Honestly, it seems that the US is going to hell in a handbasket. They need to get a grip on themselves. The divisiveness and vitriol being hurled from one side of politics to the other and then back again are awful to watch. The way they’re going, they’ll have another civil war if they don’t watch out…
What has made me smile:David28’s mortification once he got the photo!
Once I was on my way back home he called and we talked for nearly the whole drive. He had gastro, so that’s why he wasn’t at work. Ironically, we probably talked more than if he was at work and had to attend to customers.
