I think that the road to financial independence as a single has a big and clear advantage. There’s a reason why a ship only has one captain and why too many cooks spoil the broth.
I’m a member of a few “Single FI” threads on FB and I’ve noticed a bit of a trend in the last couple of weeks with people having a whinge about how much harder it is for singles to reach Financial Independence in a world apparently geared for couples. According to these people, housing is more expensive, food is more expensive, entertainment is definitely more expensive. It’s not fair! Those selfish couples with their unfair societal advantages are rubbing their privileged FIRE journeys into our disadvantages singes’ faces!!!
At first, I was just “meh” about it. I don’t know these people and I have no way to walk in their shoes. However, as more and more people started chiming in, it got me thinking.
Why is my thinking about financial independence as a single so different?
I’ve been single for the last 21 years, ever since I left my husband. I walked away with my 4 boys aged 5, 3, 2 and 11 months. For the first 4 years, I was supporting us and paying a mortgage on the Sole Parents’ Pension, which (from memory) was around 18K a year. After my youngest son started school, I began working full-time as a teacher. People ‘pooh-pooh’ teacher’s wages, even in Australia, but compared to the pension I felt we were on Easy Street.
So, long story short, for the last 21 years my family has been supported by one wage, controlled by one person. Why do I see this as not necessarily the disadvantage that others do?
Yes, on paper it would have been far easier if I’d been fortunate enough to meet someone compatible who could bring another wage into the household. Imagine all the investments we could have made once the mortgage was paid off?? We’d be rolling in money!
But I don’t know that it would have automatically happened quite like that.
Lifestyle creep appears to happen with almost every couple I’ve ever seen. Sure, the prudent ones max out their super funds and put aside money for investments and for a rainy day. The really smart ones have a healthy ‘FU Fund’ like the one I have. But even so, as life goes on and couples start to earn more, the little luxuries start to become part of the everyday. Clothes get nicer. Cars get newer. Houses get bigger. Holidays get more glamorous and are often spent further away from home. No more caravan park holidays at the Rye back beach! Now it’s taking the family to Thailand or Fiji or, (if you really want to make it memorable), to Iceland to see the Northern Lights.
The food budget goes up too. Not just on the average shop, but also when eating out. Dinner parties at home become far less common, even for lunches. Everyone wants to go out to eat. Theatre tickets replace movie tickets and lunches at wineries replace picnics in the park.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, of course. You’ve both worked hard to get where you are and you deserve to taste some of the finer things in life. Your wife/husband/partner or yourself earned that big promotion and the expectation of the people around you at that new job is that you look the part. So, gradually, you do. It’s human nature to blend in with the tribe, after all.
I’m sure that with even the best will in the world, even the most perfect partner will come with some expenses in tow. There is no way that a man or woman would say, “Here’s my entire pay packet. Take it and invest it for our future. I have no wants, needs or desires. None whatsoever!”
Of course, some single people also fall prey to lifestyle creep. But when you’re on your own, it’s just YOU making the choices. I remember some of the (what I thought was) stupid things my ex-husband used to spend money on. So annoying. But I’ll bet that he could say the exact same thing about me. Everyone has things that individually drive them and if you’re snugly coupled-up, you have to accommodate the other person’s things, or you won’t be very snug for very long!
Rather than focusing on what we as singles don’t have –
2 X the pay packet;
someone to lift heavy things and open jars;
unbridled romance every time s/he walks through the door…
– we singles should be happy for the clear advantage of what we do have:
The opportunity to set a financial game plan in place and execute it without another person’s distractions or agenda getting in the way.
That’s huge.
It’s also an advantage that each person who’s single has, regardless of how much income they bring in. Of course, couples may very well be on the same financial page, working together for the benefit of their relationships, but we all know that it’s not the truth for each and every couple.
But we singles can choose the destiny of every dollar we bring in. On the path to FI, that’s not to be sneezed at.
There’s a lot to be said for personal, as well as financial independence.
🙂
Agreed! Although my late hubby was as mean about spending money as I was (am). We campervanned (cheaply) around Australia (although never at Rye back beach for some reason). Good post!
Ha! You should take a day trip, just to say you’ve been there! It’s just down the road… ________________________________
Yeah, the upside of having a partner might be bigger, but so is the downside 🙂 Definitely you have so much more control when you don’t have to manage another person’s expectations.
I guess the trick is to choose wisely when looking for a partner! 🙂
Or just getting totally lucky. Ha
I’m currently single too and have been mostly single during my journey to FIRE so far. I love that I make all the decisions, investing, saving and spending. Having to defer to someone else has got to make things a lot harder, despite the two incomes, shared bills/expenses thing?
For example, it’s easy for me to not be bothered to cook and just eat cheese on toast – a couple not wanting to cook is probably more likely to eat out or get a takeaway?
Even if I were to meet someone compatible now, would I be able to keep quiet if I thought they were spending frivolously instead of maxing out their pensions/savings rate? I’m not so sure.
Perhaps the key is to find someone who is already on their own FIRE journey!
Somebody needs to make a FIRE dating app!
Hmm, in my experience, some men lie about their ages and their height. Do you want to give them a way to lie about their savings rate and net worth too? 😉
I think this is an instance where the math says something but the psychology may say something else. Mathematically it is easier for couples (if they don’t have kids) but then you have to have two people who share the same philosophy with money which can be difficult. I’m very lucky that my wife is even more careful with money than I am.
Totally agree. It all comes down to choosing well. That, and possibly a bit of luck. 🙂
Yep, I would do it differently if it was just me, but I’m lucky to have a husband who has been on board with 14 years of austerity to pay off the house despite being a teacher and musician. We are debt free before 40 but the next chapter of life is a bit unknown… What next? How do we invest? Plus we really want to take the kids travelling and give them a few opportunities neither of us had growing up…. Great post. LIke the memes.
Definitely take the kids travelling! The trips I took with the boys have put back my investments by a fair bit, but the memories made and the lessons they learned are priceless.
Although I love my husband and am glad we are married, he was a package deal with three kids and a needy mother. He’s been on board with pretty much everything I’ve suggested financially (except going REALLY frugal), so I can’t complain too much. But to complain just a tad, I regularly miss my former life of unilateral decision making. Being able to decide things without thinking about how they impact someone else’s kids or parents is definitely one of those “if only…” mental freedom aspects to life that has no price tag.
Ooo, I didn’t even think of the ‘needy mother’ part…! Probably because I’m so determined not to be one myself.
You’re so true on this point! There are definitely plenty of financial benefits to being single. I enjoy having ultimate control over my money, plus not having someone around all the time who would subtly get me to spend more dosh. Like what Weenie said, I’d happily eat cheese on toast for a meal, but having a partner means I’d feel a little pressure to do more and get fancier with properly cooked meals, takeaway or dining out. I also still haven’t mastered the art of encouraging frugal activities when dating new people (dates inevitably end up with restaurant meals or pricey cocktails), so the pursuit of a partner can also be a pricey experience!
It’s not just partners who you feel pressure from to cook “proper” meals… once kids get to be older than toddlers you just don’t feel right with an “easy” meal for dinner. I’ve just finished putting a lasagne in the oven, whereas if it was just me at home, it’d be a simple pizza or something. Still, at least I used our own basil, spinach and tomatoes in it. Mmmm… the smell of freshly-cut basil… ________________________________
I so enjoy your writing style, Frogdancer!
Thanks for keeping it fresh and honest. There are pros and cons to both lifestyles, as you said — it’s just all about keeping perspective and making smart decisions for YOUR situation 🙂
True. The keeping perspective is sometimes difficult, but is very necessary, I think.
The food alone when single vs with a partner (with child)! If it were just me, I’d be eating the simplest of simplest foods every day but with a partner I feel like I have to pretend to be a responsible adult and serve a balanced diet. I cook because I like to and it’s more convenient for me to but when he cooks, he ALWAYS makes something balanced. Even sandwiches get fancy! Talk about pressure! And then even if we wanted to get away with eating cheese and salami, we now have a kid and can’t. This is a little tongue in cheek, it’s actually good for us to eat a balanced diet of course, but there were a whole lot of compromises we made over the years before I felt we were balanced enough as a couple to get married and not drive each other batty with my need to save and his need to live a life that wasn’t similar to a hermit.
We definitely spend more as a couple but with lots of consciousness about our spending, we keep it under control enough to come out ahead in the end.
I’m so delighted whenever a night strikes that they boys aren’t going to be in for dinner, so I can eat whatever I want. It’s usually a scratch meal.
They always seem to be hanging around at dinner time, though. Maybe I’ll offer some cheese and salami and see what they say?
Who says no to cheese and salami?? (excepting vegans, vegetarians, and the lactose-intolerant)