Burning Desire For FIRE

Financially Independent, Retired Early(ish) at 57.

Page 28 of 68

Wednesday W’s #63.

April 26, 2023 / / 21 Comments

What’s top of my mind: Helping Evan26.

Fortunate Frogdancer strikes again – the school who’d offered me a month’s work actually found a permanent replacement, which was great for the kids AND great for me. I might end up doing CRT work every day for the next 4 weeks anyway, but it’ll be for more money and in a school where I’m familiar with everything.

So yes, here I am again at work – on Monday I got a text from the Daily Organiser at 6:10 AM asking if i could work that day. Oof. Woke me up. This morning? It was a text sent at 12:45 AM. I’m not sure that that woman ever sleeps.

Anyway, I’m glad for the work as it means I can start salting away the money Evan26 will need for his course in clowning that he’ll be doing in France in July. I figure that 20 days’ work will be enough to cover what he’ll need.

People have asked why I’m prepared to go back to work to pay for Clown College. There are a few reasons:

  1. He’s already paid for his accommodation, passport and airfares. I’m frugal – I can’t stand the thought that all of that money could go to waste.
  2. Any money I shoot his way will be a loan – it wouldn’t be fair to the other boys if I threw thousands of dollars at him without duplicating it another 3 ways. I’m not prepared to do that – the last couple of years have been very exxy, what with weddings and helping towards house deposits and paying for holidays to see penguins and Henry VIII’s grave.
  3. The work I do isn’t difficult and it pays very well. Obviously, I’d prefer to be at home, enjoying my perfect freedom, but if the kids need some help, this isn’t exactly an arduous way to help them.
  4. The most important reason – he’s trying to build a career in one of the hardest industries in the world. If he was lolling around, never doing any work but was always “gonna” do it, then he’d be missing out on that course. Instead, he’s writing his own shows, going to auditions and acting on stage and making a podcast every week with his best friend. If he’s putting the work in – and I judge it to be good – then I’m happy to help.

Where I’ve been: Bunnings.

I’ve ripped out the pale yellow petunias in the hanging baskets in the front yard and I’ve swapped them for violas. In a scientific experiment, I put the half-dead petunias in the ground underneath a Japanese maple.

Who knows? I may get a few more months from them.

I also bought a tester pot of paint to see how my lounge room will look with a totally different colour.

Where I’m going: Phillip Island.

Blogless Helen and her husband have a holiday house there, so a couple of us are driving up after work on Friday to spend the weekend there. The last time I was on Phillip Island, I was selling someone a thermomix. That was YEARS ago!

What I’m reading: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir.

This is the next novel he’s written after ‘The Martian.’ I’m enjoying it, though I have to admit that I skim over the scientific explanations for things. Some people might want to have the science explained all the time – I just need to know that these events happened and that the story moves along convincingly. I’m a little more than halfway along.

Every Version of You by Grace Chan.

I finished this a few days ago. It’s also speculative fiction, but it’s written in a very different vein to Project Hail Mary. It’s set in Melbourne, 50 years from now, which I really liked as when place names were mentioned, I actually know where they are. (People in the UK and US are probably used to this, but I’m not.)

It’s an interesting premise. Would you permanently upload yourself into a perfect digital world if the real world was dying?

What I’m watching: Beef on Netflix.

I heard some good things about this show on Twitter so I decided to give it a go. At first, I wasn’t sure. Everyone was so awful! But then, it grabbed me. The ending is amazing.

What I’m listening to: The Frankston Murders.

I’m old enough to remember in 1993 when women were disappearing from the streets of Frankston and ending up dead. It scared the whole of Melbourne. I was a new Mum and living on the other side of town but everyone was still locking their doors and being careful.

The guy responsible was caught after a couple of months and he’s been in jail ever since. This year he’s up for parole and there’s a concerted effort to make sure that he isn’t released back into the community. He’s a particularly nasty piece of work.

What I’m eating: A bread roll.

I should’ve had something more interesting to have for lunch, but then again, when I went to bed I didn’t know I’d be working. I had some home-made bread rolls in the freezer, so guess what I’ll be eating for lunch? A peanut butter bread roll.

Gourmet!

What I’m planning: What I need to take to Phillip Island.

Well… I should be planning it. But it’ll be a last-minute “throw random stuff into an overnight bag” kind of thing.

You think I’d learn.

Who needs a good slap: Me, for not learning.

I just haven’t been in the zone for packing.

What has made me smile: a pomegranate.

I planted that tree three or four years ago. I have my first pomegranate growing on it.

Gardening’s so rewarding sometimes!

Dad joke of the day:

Wednesday W’s #62.

April 19, 2023 / / 12 Comments

What’s top of my mind: I’m torn between fear and hope…

As I was doing Parent/Teacher interviews, I had a message from another secondary school, asking if I’d be interested in a term’s work as an English teacher.

Of course I said, “NOOOOO.” I’ve just finished a term of full-time work – and I’m retired.

As I talked to her I began to think. I still want to pay for Clown College in France for Evan26 – a month’s work would pay for the course and spending money for him.

So I told her that if they haven’t found anyone by the end of the holidays, I’d give them a month. The teaching shortage is absolutely a real thing.

Now, of course, I’m really hoping they find someone!

Where I’ve been: the garlic patch.

As I’m typing this, I’m pretty sure that my hands still smell of garlic, even though I’ve washed them over and over.

Last Christmas, Ryan27’s friend Viv gave us some canna lilies and some elephant garlic plants. I harvested the garlic 6 months later and today I went out to the veggie garden with some of the heads of garlic, ready to replant.

I’ve never grown elephant garlic before. Some of the garlic were separated into proper cloves, so I pulled them apart and planted all of them. (I found a row of plants from last year that I missed – they’d merrily re-sprouted!)

Other heads looked more like white onions – they were pretty much just one big clove of garlic the size of my fist.

I was going to plant these again, but in the end I cut them up into large ‘cloves’ and froze them. I’ve got enough garlic to last me until the cloves I planted today are ready to come out of the ground.

This makes me happy. Now that my household is so small, it’s perfectly possible for me to have crops like garlic that will last me all year round. *Touch wood* I’ll never need to buy garlic again!

Where I’m going: The other school, probably…

Yeah, I haven’t heard anything yet, so I’d better get my ironing done before Monday, just in case.

What I’m reading: The Colony by Audrey Magee

My friends The Festival Mavens on Facebook were once bloggers back in the day, when I began my personal blog in 2007. That’s how we met.

Nowadays, they travel to writers’ festivals and bookshops and post what they’ve been reading. I’ve discovered quite a few thumping good reads from them.

This is an interesting novel. I’m halfway through it. The prose is almost poetry at times.

What I’m watching: The ‘live’ reunion of ‘Love is Blind’ on Netflix.

On Monday morning I was startled by my alarm going off just before 10. For a second or two I was puzzled… then I remembered. Netflix was having their first worldwide live stream and it was one of my junk tv shows! Seeing as it was school holidays I thought it’d be fun to watch. I grabbed a lemon verbena tea (from the garden) and settled in.

Turns out that whoever had the idea for live streaming one of Netflix’s most popular shows didn’t account for the fact that MANY people would be tuning in. It broke the internet.

Ah well. It came on eventually – nearly an hour and a half late. I got so many things done while I was waiting! For a morning spent watching a junk tv show, it was surprisingly productive.

What I’m listening to: Scout grumbling and squeaking at me to stop typing and just throw the ball, dammit!

The dogs are loving having me home with them. I have to say, I’m loving it too.

What I’m eating: home-made pizza made in our pizza oven.

Ryan27 is cooking. This is his speciality. Seeing as he’s done bugger-all today, I told him he was on duty for dinner.

What I’m planning: my next Little Adventure.

Who knows what I’ll do and where I’ll go?

Who needs a good slap: Whoever has got something beeping from next door.

Ryan27 tells me that it’s been going for 2 days. It doesn’t really bother me, but it’s driving him crazy.

What has made me smile: A few things.

Memories of the wedding, of course.

Finding a row of garlic happily springing up from the ground – the sight made me race in and plant the rest of the cloves. productivity for the win!

Jeffrey and his stealth companionship – it doesn’t matter where I go in this house, he always ends up right beside me. Even if I simply move to the other couch in the same room, it’s not close enough for him. Sometimes he’s so sneaky, I don’t even realise he’s there.

Jenna volunteering to travel with Mum and Dad between the church and the reception. Dad was a bit leery about where to go and there’s NO WAY he’ll use the GPS installed in his car. Jenna is a gem.

Feeling lucky to be born at this time and stage of history.

Dad joke of the day:

Enjoying life: the wedding!

April 18, 2023 / / 18 Comments

What a beautiful, joyous day we all had – and now I officially have that daughter I always wanted!

I love this shot – you’ve never seen a happier couple. They are so much in love.

The day started at my place with Evan26 and Jenna sleeping in the guest room – they drove straight down after Evan26’s last show, so we had a lovely evening talking and catching up on all the goss. It’s nice to have my younger two boys here without the older ones. They have a great relationship where they choose to hang out, which is an absolute goal of mine as a parent.

David29 and his Best Man Dan turned up at around 8:30 AM. David29 met Dan at high school and they went through a lot together. I truly credit Dan as being a huge reason why we were able to come out of the other side of David29’s teenage depression with him still alive and breathing. Dan has been living in the States off and on for the last few years, so he spent the night at the apartment and the two of them really caught up with lots of in-depth talks. I was so happy when I knew that Dan was going to be staying over with him. He’s like my 5th son.

By 9 AM all of the groomsmen were there and the morning was pretty cruisy. I’d written my speech the day before, as had Dan, while David29 needed to write the paragraph about Izzy, so while he was doing that, the boys made breakfast for everyone while I dragged out the ironing board and got to work.

In this shot, we’re lined up left to right: Evan26, my good self, David29, Tom31 and Ryan27. Yes, it’s like living in the land of the giants.

After the photographers left to head over to Izzy’s parents’ place, it was all very relaxed. We broke out some 21-year-old whiskey that Tom31 brought around, then some bubbly and snacks. From photos that have since been put up on FB by people on the other side of the family – it was a vast contrast at the bride’s place. It seemed that everyone was there – aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins – the joint was packed!!

Here’s me walking my boy down the aisle. I know it’s not traditional, but as a single parent who did all the hard yards on my own, I figure I’m entitled to enjoy all the perks.

The song we walked down the aisle to has a lovely backstory. I absolutely love kd lang’s voice, but my sons? Not so much. Two nights before the wedding, David29 and I were having a text convo where he said he was thinking of ‘Hallelujah ‘ for our walk.

“NOOOO!!!” I texted back. “Have you listened to the lyrics? It’s about a relationship that crashes and burns!”

“So what other kd lang song would you suggest?”

I instantly dialled his number.

“Are you seriously willing to have a kd lang song at your wedding?” I said.

“Of course!” he replied. This is our moment.”

Wow. You know you’re loved when your musician son, who has been ultra-picky about anything musical connected to this wedding, chooses your favourite artist as part of the ceremony when he doesn’t really like her much.

I chose ‘Fallen’. It’s beautiful, both the lyrics and the music. (Despite what David29 thinks. What would he know, anyway?)

The next morning, I got up and ‘Fallen’ was playing in my head. I started making my coffee and then suddenly, I was overcome with tears. I don’t mean gentle little teardrops… no. This was ugly crying, so much so that I needed lots of tissues and I was scared that I’d wake Ryan27 and he’d think something was wrong.

I rang David29 a couple of hours later and told him. He laughed.

“I wanted kd lang because I wanted you to cry!” he said.

“As if I’m going to cry in front of an audience!” I said. “And anyway, I did cry. It was just a day early.”

“Now how can I make you cry tomorrow?” he said. “What’s the name of the book you’re reading? Just before we walk down the aisle, I’ll spoil the ending for you!!”

I laughed. “They’ll all wonder why I’m slapping you!”

We had an absolute jewel of a day. In a week full of cold and rain, Friday was bright and sunny – perfect wedding weather.

Blogless Helen snapped this stunner of a photo!

David29 when Izzy and her parents were coming down the aisle. They had a friend of theirs singing ‘La Vie en Rose.’

Sealing the deal.

Making their escape.

Look at those faces now that it was all done and dusted! Now they could relax and have fun.

My sister Kate took this selfie. It’s rare that I get a good photo of myself, so she must be an extremely gifted photographer.

While the wedding party were off getting photos, we had afternoon tea at a little hall next to the church, and then our family went off to the pub, where Mum distinguished herself by accidentally spilling a glass of champagne all over my friend Ian. Of course, it had to be the man with the most expensive suit in the whole place! As we agreed later on, at least it wasn’t a shiraz!

I took a few photos at the reception before all the guests arrived, then I put my phone away for the evening. I figured that the photographer would capture the rest of the night.

I was the one to deliver the first speech of the night. Naturally, I waited to write it until the day before the wedding. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

When he was little, David29 wore a Dorothy the Dinosaur hat every minute of every day for 2.5 years. He even slept in it. He wore that hat until it literally fell apart. I used that as the motif for the speech, initially saying that when David29 decides that he loves something, he really hangs onto it.

After a few other anecdotes, I circled back to the hat, finishing up the speech by saying that I wanted to give an extra level onto all the wishes of long life, love and happiness we all have for them.

“May you both treat each other like a Dorothy the Dinosaur hat – cherish and hold each other until you grow old and fades, your teeth start to fall out and you’re coming apart at the seams!”

Izzy’s parents gave a very loving and sentimental speech. I could not be happier with the way that they’ve embraced my son and brought him into their family – though Izzy’s Dad took a few months to warm up to his precious daughter’s boyfriend!

She’s the oldest child. We always have it tougher than the younger ones.

They chose the dance from the Disney classic ‘Sleeping Beauty’ as their first dance together. Izzy grew up dreaming of the day she would dance like a princess, and she got her wish.

The funny thing was that as they were dancing, the music cut out for 10 seconds or so. They kept on moving until the music came back, like true professionals. I had my friend, Blogless Megan from work, sitting with me. She’s the head of Music and has taught all of my boys. David29 said to her later, “I could hear your voice in my head… ‘Just keep on performing!!!”… and you were sitting right there! I had to keep going!”

This was a terrific wedding. The food was good, the music was good, the weather was perfect, the happy couple was over the moon and we all danced, sang and had a damned good time. We’ve all been to weddings where everyone but the couple themselves have known that this marriage is a gamble, but these two? They are so in love and have already been tested, what with Izzy’s cancer diagnosis, and with living together under a parental roof for 3 years since the covid lockdowns began. (Honestly, Izzy’s parents are saints!) When he looks at her, David29 gets a look on his face that I never see him give when he looks at anyone else. They are truly made for each other.

I looked over the room at one stage during the night and wished that I could go back in time, just for 5 minutes, and tell that terrified mother of a teenager battling with the worst depression, that he was going to be alright and that we were dancing at his wedding. It would have made life so much easier back then if I could have known this…

I know I call myself ‘Fortunate Frogdancer’, but I’m truly the luckiest woman alive.

(Mum at the church.)

The next day David29 came over to drop off a few things and to have a long chat about the wedding. He was at mine for nearly an hour and we had a wonderful chat. Ryan27 was out at a Smash Tourney and Izzy was at her Mum’s place sorting through the wishing well gifts, so it was just the two of us. And the dogs. I’m pretty sure I’ll cherish this talk with my boy forever.

As I write this, they’re over in New Zealand on their honeymoon. I gave them a week with my timeshare points and they chose Puka Park on the tip of the North Island. It’s a secluded hideaway that looks to be perfect for a couple lost in love. It’s the first time Izzy’s been overseas.

Anyway, this wedding sets the bar high for any of my kids who might choose to get married after them.

One down… three to go!

Dad joke of the day: (This one seemed appropriate)

Wednesday W’s #61.

April 12, 2023 / / 12 Comments

What’s top of my mind: Writing a speech for the wedding.

The wedding is in 2 days and I’ve yet to write my speech. David29 hasn’t had any contact with his father for years, so I’m going to be speechifying for his side of the family. I’m looking forward to it, though I truly have no idea (yet) of what I’m going to say.

It’ll all come together though! It always does. Bleeding-edge speech writing… that’s how I work.

Where I’ve been: to Long Play to meet Katie!

Remember how Evan26 was accosted in the street by a guy asking if he was the guy from Long Play? His Mum reads my blogs and wanted to come and see his show. He (Evan26) was so blown away that he gave the guy free tickets. I asked him to let me know when they were coming, so I nipped in to see the show for the third time, so I could say hi to Katie.

She, her son and husband sat right behind me – I was wearing a mask but she recognised me by my eyebrows. First time anyone’s said that to me! We had a lovely chat after the show.

Tell you what – you know a comedy show is good when you see it three times in a week and you STILL laugh out loud. It’s playing for 2 more nights… I highly recommend.

Where I’m going: The wedding rehearsal.

Tonight I’ll be battling peak-hour traffic to get to the church on time. None of his brothers will be there – Evan26 has his show, Tom31 bought his ticket to it before we were told about the rehearsal and Ryan28 is working. Still, all they have to do is stand at the front and look supportive and interested.

I want to walk David29 down the aisle – I’ve put in a lot of time and effort into bringing up that boy on my own, so I think having a little stroll together on his Big Day isn’t too much to ask. We’ll have to work out how to do it so he doesn’t see Izzy before she walks down the aisle – the last thing we need is any bad luck!

What I’m reading: Lots of books.

I’ve finished my contract for the term, so to decompress I’m doing what I normally do in the first part of the holidays – I’m reading almost a book a day.

The Soulmate by Sally Hepworth. Gee, she’s a good writer, isn’t she? This one is another winner.

Holding by Graham Norton. Yes, THAT Graham Norton. I enjoyed this. It’s a gentle tale about a small village in the UK. It’s been filmed, but I thought I’d rather read the book.

The other 3 books I’ve read haven’t been much chop, so that’s enough about them!

What I’m watching: Nothing.

Though Ryan28 is keen to watch The Last of Us and season 3 of Ted Lasso with me, so no doubt we’ll be getting onto that pretty quickly.

What I’m listening to: Magpies singing in the rain.

I’m sitting on the couch with 3 sleeping dogs. I’ve had my coffee but we haven’t had breakfast yet. The house is almost silent, with just the clicking of my laptop keys and Jeffrey’s gentle snores able to be heard.

Rain is falling steadily outside. I’ve moved the pot plants outside so they can have a wash and get a dose of nitrogen. Every now and then I hear the warbling cry of a magpie.

I love my lazy mornings.

What I’m eating: Malteasers for breakfast.

Well, I’ve got to get rid of them somehow, don’t I?

What I’m planning: How, when and where I’m going o put my makeup on.

Haven’t worn makeup for years! But we all make sacrifices for our children, so I’ll be slapping on the warpaint for the wedding.

I’ve watched every episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, so I should be ok. Anyway, it’s like riding a bike, surely?

Who needs a good slap: The Easter Bunny.

The Easter bunny struck gold this year – the Aldi cheap Easter bunnies were in early this year and she snapped up 6 of them for my 4 boys and the 2 girlfriends.

Unfortunately, the bunny has very weak follow-through. We were on our way to Easter brunch with Izzy’s family when I realised I’d left the bunnies for David29 and Izzy behind. It was baaaad – they got us Easter eggs. Yikes!

You’d think the embarrassment would be enough to remind me to take Evan26 and Jenna’s bunnies when I saw his show on Sunday night.

Oh no, no, no. Turned up empty-handed again.

The only child who still lives with me got his bunny at 10 PM after we arrived home. The Easter Bunny deserves a sound smack for dereliction of duty.

What has made me smile: My new boots.

Ryan28 and I went to DFO on the weekend to get wedding things. I needed a bag and he needed some dress shows. We both came away with something extra. He bought a coat and I bought these incredibly funky and comfortable boots. Look! They have yarn on them – and they have lambswool inside.

Fortunate Frogdancer strikes again – I have very small feet and these were the last in my size.

They are perfect for my England and Ireland trip in September. I’m only taking carry-on so they will be my only shoes. PLUS…

… they look really great with my dress for the wedding. Talk about style, speed and comfort! I’ll be dancing all night in these babies!

Between the two of us, Izzy’s Mum and I will ensure that no one will feel under or overdressed. She’s got a dress and shoes with bling, whereas I’m going to be wearing linen and boots.

Dad joke of the day:

Isn’t our corner of the internet the best?

April 7, 2023 / / 10 Comments

My son Evan26 is performing his first solo show called Long Play in Carlton for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. His girlfriend Jenna is doing the tech stuff and they’re working hard and having a ball. I went to see it on Tuesday night and I’ll be back on Sunday night with my cousins and Ryan28 to see it again. He’s a very funny guy and the show is well worth seeing.

It’s a comedic music lecture about how to make the perfect music album. He’s been very clever about how he’s written it – I was wondering if I’d get all of the music references, not being totally up with the groovy new songs of the younger folk, but it was all good. The jokes are funny whether you know the artists he’s talking about or not. That’s my boy!

(I can’t rave like mad about it because people will get deeply suspicious, thinking that I’m only saying that it’s funny because he’s my son. It’s true. He IS my son. But it’s also true that it’s very funny.)

Anyway, last night I was at one with the couch after finishing my 10-week teaching contract, watching The Hunger Games because I didn’t want anything that I needed to concentrate on, when I got a series of texts from Evan26:

OMG!!!! Our worlds have collided! Of course I rang him straight away and the three of us had an excited chat while they were in the tram on their way to the Performers Lounge for the festival. How incredible!!!!

(Also incredible that someone actually reads this blog. I was starting to wonder…) LOL.

His last text made me laugh, because we were all absolutely losing our shit when we were on the phone. What a thing to happen!

I was going to put up a post about this in the morning, asking, “Own up now… who are you?” but Katie beat me to it. I woke up to her comment this morning:

Thank you so much Katie! Also, thanks for raising a son who is obviously really on the ball. I’m pretty sure this is Evan26’s first experience of being recognised on the street. What a thrill!

I just love our little corner of the internet. We have such lovely people here.

Evan26’s show: Long Play. From now until April 13th ( which is the day before he’ll be a groomsman at David29’s wedding.)

Jenna’s show: Underwire. From Tuesday 18th April to Saturday 22nd April.

Evan26 is on stage for both shows, so they had to make sure they were scheduled for different weeks. Busy, busy, busy!

Dad joke of the day:

Wednesday W’s #60.

April 5, 2023 / / 4 Comments

What’s top of my mind: Clown College in France.

As a parent, I want to encourage my boys to follow their dreams and have a darned good crack at everything they want to do. Evan26 and his mate Will heard about a school for clowns in France, run by a 94-year-old man. This school is way famous in entertainment circles, with many big names in acting having been through its doors.

The boys are going for a short course for a month over our winter. They’ve been scrimping and saving for a year and everything was going well for Evan26 until he came back from a month working at the Adelaide Fringe and found that he’d lost his day job.

“I’ve become a full-time comedian, without meaning to!” he said.

I’ve decided that I’ll be picking up some CRT work next term to fling some cash to him. Clown College doesn’t come cheap and he’s already committed to going. There’s no point letting him do it with not enough money – it’d ruin the whole experience.

Where I’ve been: Parent/Teacher Interviews.

Two very long days – I’m doing the second one today but Monday’s one was loooong.

Five-minute interviews, all on Google Meets (like Zoom), running from 10am – 6pm. Each interview has time in between the next one to set up the next interviews and send the link to the kids and parents. By the time the last one was finished, my eyes were spinning like catherine wheels.

Today’s interviews aren’t as long. They finish at 4:30.

Luckily, we can do them from home, so that makes a huge difference in the quality of our days. Poppy and Scout appreciated the ball-throwing between interviews.

Where I’m going: To see ‘Long Play’ at the Comedy Festival.

If you’re anywhere near Melbourne over the next couple of weeks, please go and see Evan26 in his first solo show Long Play.

It’s a show all about music. He’s a very clever, funny guy who has a beautifully quick wit – you’ll definitely enjoy yourself. I’m heading over on Easter Sunday with Ryan28 and some friends and I’ll be popping in on some other nights as well.

Always happy to have a good laugh!

What I’m reading: ‘I Am, I Am, I Am’ by Maggie O’Farrell.

This is a memoir with a difference. O’Farrell, in 17 short stories, tells of 17 times she dodged death. I read the first one and I was hooked. I’m about 4 stories in and I’m enjoying it very much.

What I’m watching: the last 3 days of my term 1 contract zip by.

I’ve nearly made it!

(This holiday in September had better be worth it!)

What I’m listening to: The same audiobook I was listening to last week.

I’m loving it.

What I’m eating: Uncle Toby’s Oat bars with chocolate chips.

I was running late for work after a HUGE day of Parent/Teacher interviews the day before. Not the best breakfast I could have chosen, but it kept body and soul together until lunchtime.

What I’m planning: David29’s wedding day morning.

Suddenly, all the boys are meeting at mine for the photos to be taken of them getting ready. We’re the first stop for the photographer, because boys are much quicker to organise and set up shots with than the girls.

Then – get this! – I get to ride in the limousine with the boys to the church! I’m the luckiest Mother of the Groom ever!

Who needs a good slap: Whoever put me on bus duty at the end of the day.

Ugh. The one duty where good kids turn feral!

What has made me smile: Kids.

I was sitting in a classroom yesterday, observing a student teacher, when he asked a kid giving a presentation on coastlines, “What have you learned from doing this project?”

“That Indonesia has a coastline!” he said.

I broke the news to my classes that they’ll be having a different teacher for the rest of the year. The number of requests I’ve had to come out of retirement and continue to take their classes was phenomenal.

I wasn’t tempted, though!

Dad joke of the day:

Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion.

They say he’ll be given a tough sentence.

One small decision.

April 4, 2023 / / 5 Comments
White roses as a background

Saturday was a day of extremes.

A few days before, the principals of both campuses gathered the staff together for briefings and told us that a year 12 student had died. When he said the name, I gasped. I knew him. I taught him and his older brother, both in year 8 English.

English teachers get to know our kids pretty well. We teach them for 5 periods a week and we often talk about things that happen in their lives and well… just life in general. When we’re reading and discussing texts that talk about issues and themes, it’s inevitable.

So yeah… that day was a hard one. I teach 3 classes of year 8s, and that day I looked at them all, so funny and full of life, happy to be sitting and being with their friends, exactly as he used to be when I knew him. When you’re taught for as many years as I have, after a while you forget a lot of the names of kids you’ve taught. Not surprising – every year I’d teach 5 X 28 kids. That’s = 140 kids. I taught for 24 years as a full-time teacher all up, which = 3,360 kids. That isn’t counting the work I’m doing now.

But there are always some that stay with you. These brothers, (let’s call them Jacob and Braden), were like that.

When I saw that the funeral was going to be literally 10 minutes drive from me, I decided that I wanted to go. Well, maybe “wanted” is the wrong word, but you know what I mean.

On the morning of the funeral, I discovered that I wear hardly any black – and I live in Melbourne! I put together an outfit that, while only having a black top, was sombre enough for a funeral. There would have been at least 60 kids from year 12 there, the boys all in suits that they would have light-heartedly bought for their Formal, only a few weeks past. The chapel was packed, with most of the kids having to stand at the sides.

There were teachers too, most of them year 12 teachers, with our past and present principals there as well. They kept an eye on the kids, offering support and tissues where needed.

Then there was the family. His mother, as you can imagine, was brokenhearted. There didn’t appear to be a father in the picture and she had lost half of her family. His older brother, Jacob, now at uni, was composed and strong. He was looking after his Mum, greeting friends and family and looking after the last-minute things that always crop up. Once we were all seated, he stepped to the front and delivered his brother’s eulogy.

It was the best eulogy I’ve ever heard. I’ve never been prouder of anyone. He shared his love for his little brother, some stories about their relationship and his shock and grief that this has happened out of the blue. Then he said something that I’m sure he’d want me to share.

He’d gone through the plans they’d made to travel together after their exams were finished at the end of this year, and how his brother wanted to live in Japan for a year next year.

“These were not the plans of a man who didn’t want to live. My brother wanted to live. He died from doing the “Choke Challenge” from Tiktok. This was a mistake. My brother wanted to live.”

I gasped in horror, as did many around me. I didn’t even know what the Choke Challenge was, though the name is self-explanatory. I saw a few clips yesterday of kids standing up, choking themselves, and then falling down unconscious to the floor, sometimes hitting walls or furniture as they fall. Kids all over the world are doing it, some are taken to hospital with head injuries and a few are actually dying from it.

What a horribly tragic thing to happen.

We were then invited up to the front to light a candle for Braden. His friends went first, with Jacob standing there next to a couple of photos of his brother, greeting everyone who came up. When I walked up to the front, I discovered that I was attending my first open-coffin funeral. I looked at Braden and sighed. He looked beautiful, as if he was sleeping. His long, thin fingers were covered with rings. It was heartbreaking.

When I reached the head of the line, face to face with Jacob, I pulled my mask down and said, “It’s me!” then gave him a hug and said, “You absolutely did him proud.” I hope he remembers that, because it’s true. I’ll never forget how stong and brave Jacob was. He is a truly impressive young man.

Afterwards, according to their custom, the pallbearers shouldered the coffin and walked all the way to the crematorium, with the mourners all walking behind, escorting Braden on his way. As I walked, I could see the coffin up ahead of me, visible over the heads of those who walked in front of me. I think this will be an image that will stay with me.

After the funeral, I kept driving to Mum and Dad’s. I was taking them to the Comedy Festival to see Jenna’s show, Underwire. They haven’t seen the kids on stage before, so this was their chance to see them in an easily-accessible space.

Talk about the Circle of Life.

Anyone who has young people in your life, don’t be complacent about what they’re viewing on social media. Braden made one decision – one that didn’t seem all that important at the time, I’m sure. Just a harmless bit of fun.

That one small decision is already reverberating across the lives of all who knew him. He was a sweet, funny, beautiful boy.

I’ll leave this post with a passage I read the next day from Maggie O’Farrell’s ‘I Am, I Am, I Am.’ It resonated with me.

“We are, all of us, wandering around in a state of oblivion, borrowing our time, unaware of when the axe may fall. As Thomas Hardy writes of Tess Durbeyfield, ‘There was another date… that of her own death; a day which lay sly and unseen among all the other days of the year, giving no sign or sound when she annually passed over it; but not the less surely there. When was it?’ “

RIP.

How do we prepare for the unexpected?

March 31, 2023 / / 7 Comments

Last week I received a text from the guy who used to share a flat with Tom31, asking if he could call me. Although Tom31 left the flat on bad terms with this guy, it’s been over a year since that all happened, Tom31 now has his own place and they have friends in common. They now have a civil relationship. Let’s call him Fergus.

I also knew that Fergus had unexpectedly lost his Mum a few days before. Fergus and his Mum were close and she also had a great relationship with my son. She did the conveyancing on his property and only charged him ‘mates rates’ and they always got along like a house on fire.

Of course, I took his call.

What followed was heart-aching.

Fergus was still reeling over his mother’s death. He called me because he really wanted to keep his Mum’s house and he wanted some unbiased advice. He has two siblings who want to sell it and split the proceeds equally.

“How much is your Mum’s place worth, roughly? Is there a mortgage on it?’ I asked.

“It’s worth around 1.2M and she paid it off,” he said.

“What assets do you own?” I asked.

“I have around $500 in the bank,” he said.

I sighed. “I’m sorry Fergus, but no bank will lend you that much money if you have nothing to offer as collateral. You’ll have to let the house go.”

He sighed as well and said that he thought so, but he wanted to hear it from someone who wasn’t out to make something from the sale.

He’d said earlier that the house was like a refuge for him – that when he’d had a rough day, he’d “get off at her station, go around there and we’d solve the world’s problems over a bucket of wine. “

I gently said, “You know how you talked about her house as being like a refuge? It wasn’t the house; it was the person. I suggest that you go around there on your own one day, walk around and quietly say your goodbyes. Then once the house is sold, you can move forward with whatever money you get from it as her legacy.”

“That’s the problem,” he said. “I don’t know what to do with it. I’ve already had people making suggestions about investments, but I feel so confused.” He added bitterly, “Her body isn’t even cold yet and people are already picking at what she left.”

Yikes. It was a few days before the funeral, so I totally got what he was saying.

What could I say? I’m not a numbers person. But then I thought: what advice would I want someone to give one of my boys if I suddenly popped my clogs? I’d want them to be given advice that was safe, conservative, and would be easy to implement when they were still grieving and not able to think clearly. Advice that would allow the dust to settle before any life-changing decisions were made.

It also had to fit in with the stage of life Fergus is in.

He’s not in a relationship. He’s not starting a family and looking to put down roots in a house that will suck up all of his money and shackle him into a mortgage for the next two decades. (This is the position one of his siblings is in – they’ll be using the money as a house deposit for their young family.)

Fergus is still studying. Once that’s done, he’ll be putting his efforts into establishing his new career. Who knows? He may decide that he wants to spend that money on buying into a law firm somewhere. He may choose to relocate to another city or country. His options are wide open. He probably needs that pool of money to be safely waiting for him.

Yes, he might make a few extra dollars if he put it into shares, but I still think that on balance, safety trumps a little profit. Besides, the way the share market has been bouncing around? A little profit isn’t exactly a certain bet in the short term.

I decided to go with the term deposit route. Luckily for him, interest rates are better on savings accounts than they have been for a long time.

My advice was to put 90% of whatever money he received from his Mum’s estate into a term deposit and to leave it there for 12 months.

“The other 10%? Spend it. Go on a big holiday, buy some clothes, furniture… whatever you want. She’d want you to enjoy it. But DON’T spend any more than that. Respect her legacy and only deploy it for something that’s going to establish your way in the world – whatever that turns out to be.”

I then added, “And for God’s sake don’t put any of it into crypto!”

He laughed ruefully. “I’ve already been burned by that,” he said.

“Hey, how lucky is it that you learned that lesson when you didn’t have a lot of money to lose?” I said. “Don’t beat yourself up over it; just be glad that you’re not going to make the same mistake with your Mum’s money.”

“I definitely won’t! he said.

“If you do what I’m saying, it gives you time to move through your grief and not risk making big decisions when you’re not thinking clearly. Then, when the dust has settled and you have a clearer idea of what you want to do, then you can make decisions that aren’t going to be based on raw emotion. Besides, speaking as a single mother myself, it’s hard to pay off a house on your own. You don’t want to waste her final legacy for you.”

‘You’re absolutely right,” he said. “That’s the last thing I want to do.”

At the end of the call he thanked me, saying that he felt at peace for the first time since all of this stuff started to come up.

“I think I’ll do what you suggest,” he said. “It sounds really sensible and it gives me time to breathe. Is it ok if I call you again when it comes closer to the time?”

Of course I said yes.

But this conversation really gave me food for thought.

We all expect to live till we’re old. My own parents are both in their 80’s, still living together at home and although they’ve slowed down, they’re still going strong. I don’t know about you, but any thoughts I’ve had of my children inheriting my estate have them all as grey-haired old men, with decades more life experience behind them than they have now.

But what if a similar thing happens to us? Fergus’s Mum was only in her late 60’s.

How would the boys make these huge financial decisions if I suddenly wasn’t here?

It’s a big responsibility to suddenly have a large sum of money given to you at any age. Not many people in their 20’s and 30’s have a rock-solid plan in their minds of what they’d do with a cash windfall of a few hundred thousand dollars. (And if any of my sons did, I’d be a bit worried that they’d decide that I was worth more to them dead than alive…)

I don’t know what the answer is. Do we write a letter “to be opened in the case of my unfortunate demise” to be read aloud, giving our advice? Do we hope that older, wiser people will take our loved ones under their wings and give them excellent advice? What if there’s no one around our kids who is good with money?

It’s a conundrum.

At the end of the day, I gave Fergus the same advice, given his situation, that I’d hope that someone else would give my kids if we were in the same situation. I can’t do any better than that. It was heartbreaking though, seeing a young man almost shell-shocked with grief and yet being forced to grapple with uncharted financial waters like this.

It made me hope that my boys will never be in a position like this. At least, not until they’re grey-haired old men! But if that doesn’t turn out to be the case, I hope that they have access to someone who will give them sound, unbiased advice to give them time to come to terms with their new reality and that they’ll be able to make unrushed, sensible decisions.

Anyway, this is the sort of stuff that I haven’t given much thought to until now. When they were small, I worried more about who would look after them if I suddenly died, rather than worry about inheritances. Once they grew up, I didn’t think about this stuff because, as I said at the start, I probably believed that I was immortal.

I’ll be doing a bit more thinking about this…

Dad joke of the day:

My wife told me to stop singing “I’m a Believer” or she’d kill me. I thought she was kidding..

… but then I saw her face.

Wednesday W’s #59. (Written on a Tuesday.)

March 29, 2023 / / 2 Comments

What’s top of my mind: Something has left a bad taste in my mouth.

I was teaching my year 9s today and a couple of boys suddenly let out a cry, as if they were watching sport on their chromebooks instead of working. I went over and told them off, when suddenly another teacher came into the room and started yelling at them.

Turns out that one of the boys had his phone held up where I couldn’t see it and it appeared that he was filming me. This other teacher had poked their head into the room, looking for an extra chair for their class, and from that angle they could see everything. I confiscated the kid’s phone and the Student Managers and Principal were called in.

At the end of the day, he’ll be unlocking his phone to show the Student Managers and the Principal that he wasn’t filming. If he wasn’t… happy days. Though he was still doing absolutely the wrong thing by having his phone on him in the first place, so he’s still in trouble.

If he WAS filming his teacher, then things won’t be so great for him.

To be honest, it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. You can trust the vast majority of kids at the school, but this is one kid who could absolutely be doing the wrong thing. I don’t need this sort of thing in my life. I’m retired, after all.

Though even if he put the video up on TikTok, I’m wearing a mask. As Blogless Helen said at lunch, no one would be able to recognise me anyway…

Where I’ve been: Out in the park beside the school.

Just as I was debriefing with the Student Managers at lunchtime, a fire alarm sounded. It wasn’t a drill. The whole school had to go to the park next door, line up in form groups and be accounted for while the fire brigade went through the building to make sure it was safe.

It’s turning into a very exciting day!

Where I’m going: a wedding rehearsal.

David29 let me know that we have to go to Rowville for a wedding rehearsal a couple of days before the Big Day. Evan26 won’t be there – he’ll be performing his show at the Comedy Festival.

What I’m reading: Our Woman in Moscow – Beatriz Williams

How I love my little corner of the internet! On Twitter, I follow a few authors and every now and then they post book recommendations. On Facebook, I have a couple of blogging buddies from the early days of craft blogging who are massive readers, called The Festival Mavens. I’ve read some cracking books from them.

I’ve just started this one. It’s living on my desk at work, where I have 10 minutes at the start of every English class where we do Wide Reading, as well as any spare time I have without corrections or lesson prep.

I’m enjoying it. Can’t wait to see what’s going to happen!

What I’m watching: My life slowly ebbing away.

I’m watching the clock. It’s ten minutes to go until Day 43 is over.

What I’m listening to: A Great Hope – Jessica Stanley

I’m really enjoying this book. I’m not totally sure why, as a lot of the characters aren’t all that likeable, especially Sophie. But every time I hop in the car and start listening, I’m engrossed.

What I’m eating: my home-grown stewed apples.

Well, my breakfasts this week are epic! I stripped my meagre apple crop from my trees a week or so ago and then let them sit in the fruit bowl until the weekend when I stewed up a storm.

They’re now sitting in the fridge, still in the saucepan I cooked them in, and I’m having 3 or 4 heaped dessertspoonsful with my morning oats.

It’s like starting off the day with a party in my mouth.

What I’m planning: when I’m going to see Evan26’s shows at the Comedy Festival.

Evan26 has two shows at the Comedy Festival.

Long Play is the solo show that he wrote himself. It’s the second year he’s performed in the festival. Last year he had a sketch show with a mate from Uni that was an absolute hoot. I can’t wait to see him in this show – he’s such a funny guy. He’s so damned quick with the puns and word play. (I have no idea where he gets it from.)

Underwire is the (almost) solo show by Evan26’s partner. She performed it in Melbourne last year and I can confidently tell you that it’s absolutely worth seeing. I laughed, I cried, I loved it. Evan26 supports her on stage, playing music etc.

I still haven’t organised when we’re all going to see them. I’m a bad mother. But we’ll definitely be there multiple nights – with bells on!

Who needs a good slap: kids with phones in class and mothers who don’t book tickets to their kid’s shows.

Yeah, both these types of people are so annoying … especially the mothers. The mothers deserve a hearty slap.

What has made me smile: my mandarin tree.

A couple of days ago I realised that my plucky little tree has increased its crop by a full 100% since last year.

Yes, it’s growing not one, but TWO mandarins.

Dad joke of the day:

People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.

But take a look at me now.

Wednesday W’s #58.

March 22, 2023 / / 9 Comments

What’s top of my mind: I’m getting tired.

People sling off at teachers, especially about the long holidays we have. But I’m telling you – we need them.

Teaching isn’t a job where you can coast… if you try it, you’ll rue the day because the kids will simply start walking all over you. Every day you have to be switched on. High energy and with your game face on. It’s fun, but it certainly takes it out of you. There’s a reason why teachers find that we tend to get sick as soon as holidays come; we’re running on empty by that stage.

I’ve reached the point in the term where there are less than 3 weeks to go. I’ve noticed that it’s far more tempting to get takeaway. The dinners I’m now making are far more likely to be frozen schnitzels or fish fillets with some veggies all thrown in the oven, rather than the salads I was making earlier in the year, which are lovely but require a lot more prep time.

Coincidentally, this morning as I was leaving for work, I opened the gates and my neighbour, who is a Drama and English teacher at another school, was just about to get into her car. We had a quick chat, and she asked, “Are you trired?” When I nodded, she said, “I’m absolutely knackered!” So it isn’t just me.

I’m looking forward to getting the more sedate retirement pace back.

Where I’ve been: dress shopping.

Yes, the shop that Mum mentioned turned out to be a winner.

I walked into Southland, turned where the escalator is and strode straight to it. There was an outfit in the window that looked great. I went in, looked at the different colour options, tried one on and BAM! It was done.

I was in and out in less than 10 minutes.

(I may need to buy shoes and possibly a bag, but that’s Future Frogdancer’s problem.)

Where I’m going: to David29 and Izzy’s first home!

Can you believe that these two people, who are getting married in 4 weeks, have never lived in a house that hasn’t been run by parents?

I’m over the moon that they’ve finally been able to find a place to call their own. I was getting worried that they’d come back from their honeymoon and go home to Izzy’s parents’ place. The rental market in Melbourne is impossibly tight – it was only that one of Izzy’s cousins was finding that affording the mortgage on the apartment he bought was too hard. He’s moving back home and David29 and Izzy are moving in.

It’s a win/win – he gets to keep up the mortgage payments, while the kids will get to have a reference for their next place.

It’s not what you know, but who you know!

What I’m reading: Our Missing Hearts – Celeste Ng.

What a lovely writer Celeste Ng is. This is her third novel and I’m a third of the way in. I’m loving it.

It’s reading books like this that make me so glad that each English lesson at my school starts with 10 minutes of silent reading. 5 X 10 minutes X 2 classes = 100 minutes of reading that I’m getting paid for!!!!

What I’m watching: The school’s General Assembly.

One very good thing that’s come out of all the lockdowns we went through is that the General Assemblies are now live-streamed, so if you’re not a form teacher, you can watch from anywhere.

I’m at my desk, listening through headphones and switching to the visual if something is interesting enough.

What I’m eating: easy stuff.

See above.

What I’m planning: What to do with the veggie garden for winter.

I really need to get out there and start putting more beds to sleep for the winter. Many beds have plants at the end of their runs that need to be chopped and dropped, then snuggled up with fertiliser, mushroom compost, autumn leaves and pea straw.

I still haven’t dragged out the mini greenhouse from the shed and so I still haven’t started any seeds for winter crops. I need to get my arse into gear.

Who needs a good slap: my next-door neighbours.

Would it kill them to train their staffy to shut up?

What has made me smile: Mum and Dad’s shopping trip.

Yesterday I went to see Mum and Dad after work, but no one was home. Later, we were talking on the phone and it seems that they were out shopping for a brand-new lounge suite.

They’re going to have all the bells and whistles. Electric reclining armchairs, all leather… they won’t know themselves.

I said to her, “Considering all the time you’re spending at home now, you might as well get it all set up the way you want.”

“Yes, this will see us out in the last 10 years of our lives,” Mum said. “It’ll certainly get more use than any other lounge suite we’ve ever had!”

This couple has been frugal all their lives. It’s good to see them replace the ugly fake leather lounge that they got from Marketplace a couple of years ago. This new lounge sounds like they’ll absolutely enjoy it – especially the recliners for those pesky afternoon naps that just seem to sneak up on you.

Dad joke of the day:

My grief counselor died.

He was so good I didn’t even care.

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