Oof.
The last 5 or 6 weeks- who’s counting?- have been a THING. I’ve given my parents every last thing I can and now it’s time to pass it across to my sister. I’m going to Vietnam in the morning.
This may sound bad, but I’m very happy that I booked all these holidays for 2025 before all of these things happened with my parents. Without realising it, I booked in breaks.
It’s only been a few weeks, but I can see how looking after elderly parents can take over your life.
The photo was taken today- when Dad and I were sucked into an appointment which took us 4 hours, but which could have been done over the phone. You can see that he was thoroughly impressed…
Tomorrow I fly to Vietnam. I’m only taking my iPad, so I’m doing this post to reacquaint myself with how to post this way. When I travel, it becomes second nature, but as soon as I get back I revert to the laptop and I forget.
Scout misses Mum. I brought Mum back home a couple of days ago and Scout lost her mind.
Ok. I’m going to be honest here. Putting your parents into care is awful.
Honestly, I’m a hard-faced bitch, in that, if it’s the right decision, I’ll do it. But over the last few weeks, I’ve been crushing old people’s dreams. Understandably, they’d prefer to be in the house they’ve lived in for 65 YEARS. That’s a long fucking time.
But I’m the one saying no.
Anyway, tomorrow I fly off to Vietnam. Thank fucking Christ. I know everyone in the history of the world who goes on holidays claims they deserve a break , but fuck me. I deserve a break.
I read the itinerary when I booked, then I reread it two days ago.
As I sit here after an annoying waste of time at the hospital with Dad, I think I’m going to let this holiday unfold.
I remember thinking that it all sounded good, so I hope you follow with me to see what Vietnam is like.
It’ll be an unbiased view, because I’m going in with no expectations.
However, having said that, apparently I booked a limousine drive to the airport. It was included in the tour.
WTF?
Clearly I spent too much on this holiday.
Another funny thing is that I paid for this limo driver, but it’s only free if it’s 50 KMS from Tullamarine Airport. The suburb I live in would incur an extra fee of $180.
My parents’ place, however? In the sweet spot. I arranged to be picked up at fucking 7 AM tomorrow. When I arranged it, my parents were still living there. Now, it’ll be a bit weird. I’m sitting on the front verandah…
Let’s see if I can remember to do a Dad joke:
To the thief who stole my pillow,
I will not rest until I find you.
Yes, caring for aging parents will take you to the brink of what you have to give, then blow right past that. Taking a break is necessary for you to jump back in when you return. No one knows the heartbreaking strain this puts on the care givers but others who have been there. A year out from my mom’s end of life and I’m just getting back to myself. Enjoy your break – your parent’s would want that for you.
It is fortuitous that you did have these vacations booked. Once my mom hit 90, one of my sisters would come for most of the time, and luckily one of my b-i-l lived in town and stopped by a couple times with bakery treats. She would always say indignantly “I don’t need anyone checking up on me!” To which I’d respond “Yes, but I do.” If you are the primary one in charge of your parents, you DEFINITELY need these vacations! Book more for next year.
Have a wonderful trip – it sure sounds like you deserve one! Can’t wait to hear about your travels to Vietnam. We were there in 2020 just before the world shut down and it was an amazing trip. Enjoy!!
Enjoy your break:) Looking forward to reading your adventures in Vietnam. Safe travels.
Enjoy your holiday!! You thoroughly deserve it. Your sister and your parents will be fine.
Awww Frogdancer getting old sucks doesn’t it? I find myself saying that often as I give more care to my 89 year old mum. Two and a bit years ago she fell and broke her hip, into rehab and was doing well but just before she was due to come home my very independent mum didn’t call a nurse to assist her but went to the bathroom alone and fell breaking her femur. It was heartbreaking. We (my husband and I as I receive little or no help from my three siblings) got her back into her own little villa after a second much harder rehab stint, and since then it’s been a different way of life and relationship with my mum. We, who had never argued have had a couple of doozies – mainly due to mum hating that she isn’t in control of everything – despite knowing she needs help. For mum to stay home there are a lot of moving parts and I have to arrange them. I have three holidays arranged this year as my granddaughter who I cared for once a week has started Kindy. I’m determined to do the travelling we planned as we too are getting older and seeing what happened to mum I know things can change overnight. Luckily I retired in November 2023 so that does make life easier but I had to manage for a year prior to that. Mum has had a couple of soft falls at home, refuses to wear an alarm and absolutely won’t even talk about going into care. She has support workers 4 times a week now as she needs someone there while she showers and to do housework as she cannot do anything but the basics, but at what point do we say it’s time? I’ve told her it’s when she’s not safe at home alone but honestly I would sleep so much better at night if I knew she had 24/7 care and support. I feel awful and guilty but I know I couldn’t live with my mum – our whole life would turn on its head and that’s not fair to my husband either. As I said getting old sucks and I really feel your pain. Enjoy your trip knowing that your parents are safe. I put things in place so we can go away (others need to step up) but I still worry a lot. Those holidays will save our sanity! Enjoy Vietnam – can’t wait to hear all about it.
Hurrah for Past You choosing the luxurious options. What lucky timing – also so fortunate that you had several weeks to help your parents before it was time to leave town.
Now go, enjoy, and show us what there is to see there!
Looking after elderly parents is a job in itself and I’m not actually talking about the care. It’s the forms, it’s the decisions and it’s heartbreaking to have to tell your grown up parents no you can’t live at home when they think they are fully capable. There’s finances, Doctors appointments, life admin it’s a lot and myself and my girlfriends are all in this position at the moment. The kids are young adults living their lives and now we are looking after parents. So glad you had your trip booked you’ll need the break. Take care and enjoy the holiday.
Looking after elderly parents is a job in itself and I’m not actually talking about the care. It’s the forms, it’s the decisions and it’s heartbreaking to have to tell your grown up parents no you can’t live at home when they think they are fully capable. There’s finances, Doctors appointments, life admin it’s a lot and myself and my girlfriends are all in this position at the moment. The kids are young adults living their lives and now we are looking after parents. So glad you had your trip booked you’ll need the break. ENJOY THE HOLIDAY
This ‘getting old’ business just sucks – for both the aging parent/s and their carers, who in many cases are beginning to face their own age-related issues. Been there, done that, and frankly it’s exhausting both physically and emotionally.
I see that I’m talking to my people!