Who knew there’d be so many moving parts to having one parent in hospital and moving another one into care? It’s a real time-suck, that’s for sure.
The day before Mum moved into Bonbeach, we went to my hairdresser to get beautified for Tom33 and Sophie’s engagement party. Bonbeach has its own hair salon, but I thought it would be nicer to go into the place looking well-groomed. Mum was pleased. “This is $30 cheaper than my usual hairdresser and it looks exactly the same!”
I try and get Mum in to see Dad at the hospital every second day, and by and large, this has worked out well, though a visit that should only take a couple of hours turns into an all-day event, purely because Mum moves so slowly, needs frequent toilet stops and we usually end up getting lunch. I’m nervously aware that my Vietnam trip is rapidly approaching and I’ve done nothing to prepare for it, besides organise my visa (the travel company took care of the running around for this) and buying insect repellent and malaria tablets.
Coupled with this is the angst about doing all the paperwork for Mum and Dad’s care to move from respite to residential. I’m sure I would have blogged about the mountains of paper that I had to wade through when we were applying for Mum and Dad’s ‘My Aged Care’ home help assistance last year…??
Spoiler alert – IT WAS AWFUL. Mum and Dad have far too many bank accounts, managed funds, annuities, investment properties etc. The list goes on. It took me a very long time to document it all.
Now I have to do it all again, with even more detail about their PPR.
Aside from the lump sum you have to pay to get them into a decent place, which runs into the hundreds of thousands, but is returned to the estate when the room is no longer needed, there are daily fees payable. The least that anyone can pay is 80-something per cent of the Age Pension, but self-funded retirees like my parents have to put their hands in their pockets to contribute towards the cost of their care. This ranges from $25 – $155 a day.
So Frogdancer has to go through all of these damned accounts to get the current balances etc. I suppose the good side is that I have the accounts recorded now, so it should be slightly quicker. The bad side is that now I have to get details of their family home documented, which was exempt from the previous form.
I have 10 days to get all of this submitted before I jump on a plane.
My hot tip about all of this?
Don’t leave it too long to get your and your parents’ estates simplified.
I planned to bring it up at January 2025’s meeting with their accountant and get him to start merging bank accounts and other investments. I had no idea that Dad would be in a hospital bed for all of January, or that it would become plain that Mum needs to go into care. I thought we had heaps of time. Big mistake.
Even though I’m one of three children, I’m the one left to deal with all the paperwork. My brother isn’t capable of helping after his stroke and my sister refuses. I guess I have the oldest child syndrome – even though numbers are scary to me, I’m the one who has to get these things done.
A funny thing happened yesterday. The original plan was that my father was supposed to be moved into rehab for a couple of weeks, but when Mum and I went to visit Dad yesterday, we were told that the plan had changed. He’s staying at the hospital for a week or two and then going straight to Bonbeach. (This is actually better for him, as Bonbeach has physios on staff. He’ll have someone badgering him about moving every day.)
When we left, I called my sister while I was driving home to tell her about the new plan.
I’m not happy about that!” she said. “I’m sorry to put a spanner in the works, but I want him to go to a rehab hospital like Mum went to for 2 weeks.”
“That hospital closed,” I said.
“I’m sure there are other hospitals like it,” she said. “I want him moved to a private hospital AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.”
We had had this conversation a week ago, and I actually started making the arrangements to move him to a private hospital, only for the doctors to highly recommend against moving him, as it would probably put his recovery back. At the time, my sister agreed, saying, “We have to listen to the doctors.”
Also, keep in mind that I’d only found out the day before that I had to fill out a 39-page document about my parents’ finances, and it needed to be done asap so that we would have an accurate quote for the ongoing fees at the nursing home. I was feeling a tad overwhelmed.
So when I had the demand that I had to move him to another hospital, exasperation surged and I snapped, “Ok. YOU DO IT. I’m going to be busy filling in the paperwork for Centrelink.”
“Oh, let’s just see how he goes.” was her hasty reply…
I decided to bring Mum back to my place for lunch. Scout has been missing her. Mum didn’t quite believe me when I told her this, but you should have seen that ecstatic little snag when she clapped eyes on Mum! As soon as she sat down on her place on the couch, Scout was in her lap, leaning back against her with a face full of joy.
We watched a couple of episodes of Outlander and I took a call from the hospital, where I found out about a couple of appointments Dad has for his thyroid and his voice. One is at 8:45 AM at the Alfred and I WON’T BE HERE!!! Kate and Francis will have to work out the logistics of this one.
We asked the manager of Bonbeach how they arrange transport in cases like these.
“Good question,” she said. “If you want us to arrange it, he’ll have to have a staff member go with him at $40/hour, plus the taxi fares. It gets to be quite expensive, so if you can arrange for a family member to do it, it’s far more cost-effective.”
All these things that you never think about when you’re hale and hearty!
Mum has now been living at Bonbeach for just over a week. She’s had some low times when she mourns the passing of living independently, but on the whole, she’s enjoying the uptick in her social life and the good food they’re feeding her. Dad is progressing slowly and he can’t wait to join her.
I went in to see him on my own on Thursday and took in the fees and charges for the room and their ongoing care so that he was informed. I was worried sick that he’d arck up about the cost of the room, but he was terrific, with his main concern being to find out the annual cost of the care for them both. “I don’t want to be kicked out after 3 years because I’ve run out of money!” he said. That’s another reason why this paperwork has to be done asap – to put his mind at rest.
So all in all, it’s been a wonderful start to 2025. /s
Vietnam in just under 2 weeks.
Great advice for older people to get everything simplified as much as possible in advance Frogdancer, or at the very least have a record of what they have and where it is in a way that a family member can understand it. Alas there are all too many cases where the parents haven’t organised things, or the children haven’t wanted to have the serious conversation, until there is a major event and suddenly you’re dealing with a major emotional and financial issue.
Sorry to hear that you’re the one being stuck with it, but in my experience that is almost always the way it works out with one child doing the vast majority of the work.
I hope things get better for everyone involved!
Thanks. I know I’m lucky to have my holidays already booked – otherwise I’d be well and truly left holding the bag.
Oh that paperwork! And it goes on and on! I aim to simplify our accounts in my 60s and have everything already documented in case something happens, like with your dad. Everyone thinks they are fine, until they are not. And it always falls to someone else to sort out.
Rehab is nearly always only for those who will be able to return home and look after themselves. Or have someone at home who can assist them. My mother-in-law went straight from hospital for hip replacement to a nursing. When the medical team realised how bad her dementia was, they said no to rehab. She couldn’t go home. And they said they would get an emergency ACAT. If we took her home to our place, we’d be waiting months for an assessment and then months for a home. DH paid for a specialist accountant who did all the paperwork for Centrelink and saved us money (and sanity). M-in-law was largely self-funded but luckily managed a small part of the pension. However, after three years in the home, Centerlink counts her house as an asset. They give you three years’ grace. So now she is totally self funded. We did sell her investment property to pay the $650,000 RAD. The RAD doesn’t count as an asset! Accountant recommended paying it in full as that helped keep her on part pension and thus lower nursing home fees.
I strongly recommend one of those accountants who do people’s residential aged care applications with Centrelink.
Hmm… I didn’t know about the three years grace period with the house. Thanks for the heads up.